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Bacon

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Bacon for a Month

Michael J. Nelson (former head writer for Mystery Science Theater 3000) is eating nothing but bacon for the entire month of February.

Why? Because bacon is nature’s finest and most nourishing food. Also, because several doubters on the RiffTrax staff had the unmitigated gall to insult bacon by making the outrageous claim that, as good as it is, no one could eat very much of it and live. I can and will. Therefore I will spend the month proving it.

God speed.

[Via]

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BEHOLD! BACONHENGE!

Let Baconhenge be the site of your seasonal celebration! Let bacon stand in for the sacrificed Year King, French toast for the Grain Goddess, the eggs in the frittata for the Cosmic Egg, and the vegetables for the bountiful Earth on which we live.

I'm going to put on my Captain Obvious hat for a moment here and say that this does not look very healthy.

Read more here.

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EXPERIMENT: THE BACON DONUT

Inspired by this creation my friend and I decided to make our own with the cooperation of the lovely ladies at Dunkin Donuts. I went first.

"Okay. So this is kind of a strange request. I want that donut there."

"This one?"

"No, that one." I pointed at a chocolate glazed.

"Yea, that one."

"And I want a bacon."

"..."

"A bacon. Just the bacon. And the donut."

She remarked something in an unfamiliar language to her coworkers. Three or four of them huddled around the register and the donut. They looked at the donut as if it would reveal some truth. Then one of them possibly a manager said with decisive finality, "Bacon. One dollar extra."

"Fine." I said.

Then without further direction from me and on their own initiative, they sliced the donut the way you would a bagel, rested the two pieces of bacon in between, and then placed it on their toaster. I didn't want to have my chocolate glazed donut toasted necessarily, but asking them not to would be like suggesting that the proportions are incorrect to Picasso as he is painting. You just don't interrupt great art when it is taking place in front of you. So I watched my sliced bacon donut disappear inside the toaster at Dunkin Donuts.

Then Randy stepped up and requested the same off-menu item. Chocolate glazed donut sliced, bacon, and toasted.

The tandem bacon donut from Dunkin Donuts.

Notice the bacon.

Closer view of the bacon. Are you salivating? I'm not.

And the first bite.

Randy's first bite.

Verdict: This may not have been so obvious to you, but to me, it sounded good in theory. The combination of bacon, which I like, and donut, which I also like sounded like a good marriage in holy gluttony matrimony of two things I like to eat. It sounded good in theory. Or as Homer Simpson said, "In theory communism works. In theory." In actuality, it was quite terrible. Randy on the other hand if he could speak here would disagree. He quite thoroughly enjoyed the experience. So we have a split tie. Only YOU can decide this matter. Let me know what you think. Be strong. And have a palate cleansing liquid nearby when you consume this beast.

[Thanks to Randy for his camera work.]

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