My friend Kaizar has finally figured out why Facebook can't monetize. It's because their ads are fucking insulting. Look at the targeted ads on his profile page:
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If you find yourself with a case of writer's block after being tagged and compelled to join the lemming masses posting 25 random things about themselves on Facebook, the New York Times after an "analysis of 2.5 million lists (okay, maybe more like six or seven) yielded the following formula for the perfect list." I don't condone this decades old meme, but as a public service here it is:
1. Say that you hate things like this, and are doing it only to get the (oh, so many) friends clamoring for your list off your back.
2. Describe “embarrassing”
high school incident that makes you look cool.
3. Confess to crush on a) third-grade teacher b) obscure indie actor or actress c) your significant other, especially if he or she is on Facebook.
4. Identify real, but minor, flaw.
5. Identify major flaw by suggesting how it may also be major virtue.
6. Cite mean nickname you were given as a child.
7. Follow with offhand mention of receipt of high professional honor or athletic or artistic achievement.
8. Describe meeting a celebrity and how it a) disillusioned or b) thrilled you or c) if it’s a really good celebrity just the name will do.
9. Mention small adversity, like long commute or annoying neighbor, and the unexpected, preferably funny, way you overcome it.
10. Cite an actual random thing that comes to mind while writing this list.
11. “Admit” that you always identified with weird ancillary character on popular TV show in 7th grade, as if you didn’
t know that everyone in retrospect agrees that was the best character.
12. Expose something genuine and poignant about yourself, such as untimely death of close relative or rare genetic condition.
13. Express heartfelt thanks to friends or family for helping you through #11, or just for being there, or whatever.
14. Conclude sentimental portion of list by citing the scene in movie X that always makes you cry. Could also be a lyric, or a memory, so long as it involves crying.
15. Something about drugs.
16. Tell a story of how you stood up to authority. Dwelling on descriptive details can help it not seem like you are making yourself out to be a hero even though you are.
17. Recount a dramatic moment, like having your heart broken or getting arrested, but withhold details, forcing readers to ask for them in your “comments’’ section. In case you didn’t know, comments equate to status on Facebook even more than number of friends.
18. Make one up.
19. Say “one of these is completely made up.”
20. If you have kids, a) cite weird names you wanted for them and how your more rational, if less creative, spouse rescued them from a lifetime of torture,
21. and/or b) relate story that appears to expose your inept parenting while in fact highlighting their precocious brilliance. If you don’t have kids, relate a cute anecdote from your early life to show everyone that you’re still a kid at heart.
22. If you have a pet, you have one item only through which to convey its superlative nature. If you don’t have a pet, talk about how much you yearn for an obscure breed of cat/dog/reptile or, alternatively, how much you hate animals and the people who love them.
23. Something about parents.
24. Name skill that you are proud of by recounting unexpected way you acquired it.
25. Close with the unusual: a) recount a genuinely traumatic event you witnessed or b) name an exotic location that is your favorite place on earth or c) cite a dubious world record that you performed.
26. This is important: Do not add “bonus” items.
The saga of whether Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg stole the idea and code for Facebook from a few of his classmates for whom he was working for on their site ConnectU appeared to have come to a conclusion earlier this year when both parties reached a settlement. But it looks like ConnectU is gearing up for another round in the courtroom after they hired the big guns at BSF or Boies, Schiller & Flexner (I worked there once for a couple months as a file monkey) as well as "stock fraud expert Sean F. O’Shea."
What exactly does that mean?Most documents in the case are sealed and neither of the parties are talking to the media. But the late-game lawyer swapping and addition of Mr. Shea to the ConnectU counsel table, suggests a new direction in the case. Since the Facebook-ConnectU settlement was likely part-cash, part-stock, one possibility is that the ConnectU founders feel misled by the value of the equity portion of the settlement and believe that fraudulent representations about its value were made to them.
Read more here.
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BSF founder David Boies, now married to his third wife, appeared to be quite the playa back in the days: While studying law at Northwestern he conducted an affair with the wife of one of his professors, leading to his banishment from the campus. The woman, Judith Fillman, later became his second wife.
Gawker posted on a tip about a mysterious feature on Facebook, the social network for the intellectual masses, that appeared to reveal a very specific listing of five of your friends. To access this list you had to go to the search field and just click the "down" button on your keyboard. Since Gawker's posting--the most viewed currently on Gawker with over 250 comments so far--this feature was disabled. The first theory was that this was a list of the five people that searched you the most. And boy, did people FREAK OUT. And by people, I mean stalkers including yes, YOU. You know who you are. But this was quickly contested by others who pointed to various other theories including this one that seems plausible:
The five friends that you see below the search box are populated based on people whom we think you'd be most interested in. Taking into account various factors, we attempt to make an educated guess as to who it is you're looking for when you start typing a name in the search box. Please note that this information is only visible to you and will not be shared with your friends. We hope that this feature is helpful and we appreciate your feedback. Let me know if you have further questions."
I had the following people appear in my list when I checked earlier today.
1. Hot girl. 2. Good friend. 3. Random girl I met once. 4. Friend's cousin. 5. Friend's cousin
I'm not sure what to make of the list because I don't check any of these people's profile pages (mainly because they are rarely updated), and the third person is just a straight up outlier of this bunch. It would be DOPE (for the ego I suppose) if Facebook DID royally f-up and revealed who was checking your profile page, because the first girl on that list is...HOT. HOT, yo!
Stay tuned on this developing story. It reminds me of the utter panic that ensued when Friendster (remember that site?) quietly and unannounced activated an option that allowed users to see a list of all the people visiting your profile page. THAT was interesting, and kind of awesome.
Update: Gawker has an update on this blitzing story with an officially shady statement from Facebook.
Facebook tries to surface the people we think are most important to users to make it easier and faster for them to navigate the site and find what they are looking for...The search drop down is not a list of those that have searched for the user. It is also not a list of people whose profile the user has viewed the most or who have viewed the user's profile the most. To avoid any confusion, this will no longer appear.
As one snarky Gawker commenter wrote: But WHY won't they tell us how they determine who the most important people are? This is the single most pressing question of my week. Yes, why???
DC: How long do I wait to change my Facebook relationship status? Me: Hahaha.