HARRY POTTER USES HIS MAGIC WAND ON HERMIONE

The first thing I saw when I came home after the gym and looked at my Google Reader was a new OMFG entry from Moye who runs a blog called Chopstix, but can't actually use chopstix chopsticks. There needs to be a word for this, kind of like how "illiterate" (Confession: I misspelled illiterate the first time around on this entry. Dunce cap. Me.) means unable to read or write, and how that brilliant German word "schadenfreude" describes the feeling of immense joy one gets at another's destruction or misfortune. Anyways.

I immediately freaked out at the entry, like the way my female roommate freaks out whenever some "gotcha" scene occurs in a movie.

I interrupted Chris's cooking and had him come over and read the entry.

Chris's immediate response: "Good for him. GOOD for him."

What could have caused such an uproar? Harry Potter, 18 (Danielle Radcliffe is his real name but whatever, I had to look that up. He'll always be Harry Potter) is dating his fellow co-star Hermione, 17 (Emma Watson--read above parenthetical about Harry). Again, Harry Pott-ah is dating Hermione. I'm freaking out over this news for some reason and I'm not even a Harry Potter fan: I've only read one of the books, and seen only two of the films. I've sent out a transmission to Chloe--one of the biggest Harry Potter fans I know. Hopefully she'll give us her thoughts on this groundbreaking story. Mrod calling Chloe. Mrod calling Chloe. Do you hear me? Mrod calling Chloe.

I want to go back to Chris's earlier comment. I think what he's referring to (I can't ask him now because I think he's in his room listening to John Mayer) is that despite the fame, Harry Potter isn't exactly a lady killer. I'm keeping it on the straight tip, but he's no Jude Law who really is prettier than most girls. Jude Law is like the Golden Retriever of dudes. Prancing around with coiffed hair and a constant grin because life is so fucking beautiful.

On the other hand, keeping it on the legal side, Emma Watson is maturing into a very lovely conventionally attractive white chick. Of course, any guy's stock rises if he is seen with an attractive girl on his arm. So I wonder if this will propel Harry Potter from just "that famous kid who wears dorky glasses and talks about magic like those dorks with the cards and dice" level to that stage where Lenny Kravitz sees him at Gold Bar and yells "Danny! Danny! DANNY!" as he is dancing with Hot Girl.

In Other News

Barack Obama wins Wisconsin. Obama in his victory speech also promised that he would personally help Ron Weasley step up his game. Obama is a great wing man.

HARRY POTTER SPOILER

News that a spoiler for the upcoming and final chapter in the Harry Potter story was released by "Gabriel," a hacker who sneaked onto the Harry Potter's publishing companies computers is all over the Internets as well as the MSM (Mainstream News Media for those that skipped out on Mass Media taught at every. university.), including MSNBC and the New York Times--Okay, it's on their "blog," BUT it is on their website's front top page--prime real estate--as of this writing.  Of course bloggers--this one included as evident by my discussion of it here-- apparently are nearly having a bukakkesque reaction to this "news."  Side note: Do NOT google "bukakkesque" or any other spelling variation while at work, around your parents or siblings or your priest. The cynic in me thinks that this spoiler release is a great "viral" marketing ploy, as if this boy wizard doesn't get enough press or buzz as it is.  If not and Gabriel, the hacker messenger angel,  is telling the truth, then either way the publisher and the author, as well as the author's sycophant team of lawyers and advisers win either way by keeping this book at the top of the new cycle and as well as the topic du jour of the proverbial water cooler, no small feat in today's ADD environment.  Whatever it is, chalk up this "story" as yet another piece of hard hitting "soft news."  Who do I fault though?  I don't find myself writing about how the Republicans in the Senate blocked a measure that would have had the Big Oil companies pay higher taxes that would apply towards renewable energy funding nor about the fact 14 US soldiers, along with an Iraqi interpreter as well as three local civilians were killed today in Iraq.

"Yea, yea, now where's the link to the fuckin spoiler?" you're probably wondering.

Well, if you want to read the potential spoiler and save yourself the $29.99, click here.