Take a look at the picture below and see if you can spot the mistake. It shouldn't be too difficult for any soldier in the cult of Steve Jobs.
It's never too early to start planning for Halloween:
Yea, I care about my dignity.
So here are some PG photos to accompany this previous entry about the bachelor party I attended last weekend in Chicago.
The man of the hour...er...weekend. Some of us flew in on Friday night and had a low key night of some deep dish pizza, beers at the apartment and then went out for a few more beers and nachos.
Nachos!
Jump!
Allan is a flying jumping monkey on our way to the Cubs game.
The best man and the groom show off their flighty coordination.
Jesse and friends. Go red sox!
Stan reppin his hometown Mets.
The game day weather started off nice, with a slight chill...
But before long, it became cold and...windy, as the city is known for.
Nonetheless, Allan still manages to pull of a Blue Steel.
Me and Mike. I think I'm pulling an aborted Blue Steel.
Jesse pulls out his ear muffs. It's okay though, because it's his weekend and it's his party and he can wear ear muffs if he wants to.
This is funny to me because Mark looks like a little person. Mark done shrunk himself!
And it's amazing to see Allan jump so high when he....has no lower legs.
Jesse attempting to take a photo of his junk with Allan's cell phone. That is brotherly love, kids.
Post steak dinner. Guess how many people at this table are NOT doctors? Here's a freebie hint: I'm not one.
After dinner, we went to Hogs and Honeys which should be renamed Bachelorette Parties R Us. I sort of stopped taking photos around this point. Thanks to Mike for taking over camera duties...
[PHOTOS CENSORED]
Justin wins a bar contest where he had to take off the girls bra through her shirt and then put it on himself. Yay.
Just a really hot girl riding the bull...
Hours later back at the apartment. Jesse and his new shirt.
W = WINER.
Congrats again Jesse--See you in a few weeks in Tucson. I think there's still time to convince Steph about tuxedo t-shirts.
Most of ya'll probably have no idea who this guy is but I saw Beau Sia today sitting outside of Soho Park, a relatively recent beer garden/cafe in the Soho area. I mentioned him awhile ago regarding the Rosie controversy.
I told the bouncer last night, when I was drunk, after he asked me for my ID, "No. Look at my American Express instead. See! I've been a member since 1975." That was my dad's credit card.
"I hate wearing contacts...but I can't go to the strip club in glasses."
Preface: I've been so exhausted from this past weekend that I've been writing this entry below sporadically over the past four days. Just thought I'd let you know...so you'll appreciate all the hard word work and effort I put into this piece.
This past weekend, I had my first experience as an attendee at the age-old ritual that is suppose to remind the future groom of all the "fun" he'll cast aside and walk away from once the magical phrase (or curse to the cynics--not me) "I now pronounce you..." is uttered.
Of course, I'm talking about a bachelor party, a party which will be appropriately recapped (with requisite photo and textual censorship) and pondered at a later date this week once I've had more time to digest that experience. I can say at the moment however that in sum, I had a great time there--it was held in Chicago which was considered a good compromise to those of us living on the East Coast (the better half) and those in the West--until Mother Nature decided to pop that fun balloon by extending what was suppose to be a less than 2 hour flight out of Chicago O'Hare back home to LaGuardia here in New York into a 14 hour endeavor that dropped me off finally in stinkin' Newark Airport at approximately 2 am. I don't care what Al Gore or Green Peace or my most recent issue of Mother Jones says--sometimes Mother Nature can be a real bitch!
On one level I am fortunate that I even made it out of Chicago--as tardy a departure as it ended up being--since except for mine and another flight, the remaining 6 or 7 flights to NYC were outright cancelled. Ironically enough, my friend, New York City neighbor, and fellow bachelor party attendee who was most concerned all morning with his flight back home (he was even considering renting a car to drive from Chicago to NYC) went to the airport early, got on a standby flight and was home safe and sound in his apartment on the Upper East Side before dinner. Damn bastard. I, on the other hand, was positively completely unconcerned about the flight and the hellish weather reports coming out of New York City, because it was...rain. Snow, sure. Snow is slick. Snow is icy. Snow is HEAVY. Rain is...wet and sorta slippery. But those Goodyear ads had me convinced that by this point, we'd beaten that slippery attribute of rain once and for all!
Besides, when did a minor thing such as rain result in mass flight cancellations? If you can answer this question, don't. I'm on a roll here with this entry.
Relatedly, the other quality contributing to my nonchalance is my Alaskan upbringing.
I can't speak for my fellow Alaskans (appropriate shout outs here to Clay the Stud of DC, Sam the Punk Rock Scientist, and Dan the Funny Man), but I've flown in and out of the airport in Anchorage, Alaska more times than I can count on my fingers and toes. Not once have I ever had a flight arriving or departing from Anchorage ever delayed or cancelled on account of the "weather." This is the one time I'll allow you to indulge in your stereotypical notions of Alaska: As you can imagine, the weather in Anchorage can get much more hectic than the New York metro region (Day After Tomorrow notwithstanding). So like state geography (everything is "South"), being Alaskan makes one have a slightly different perspective on some things, like the delicate dance between air traveling and mercurial Mother Nature (Whattabitch!). Alaskans always roll our collective eyes at the annual freak out that occurs all over the country after the first snowstorm.
In the end, my flight situation resolved itself. I got home safely, albeit a little later than I originally planned. However, this episode hauntingly reminded me of a remark someone once said to me a long time ago.
"Matt," she said, "You don't ever have a contingency plan. By that I mean you don't make back-up plans. You always just expect things to...work out."
I didn't really have a response then, because she was absolutely right. There are specific events that have happened in my life, frequent and episodic enough, that has (deleteriously?) encouraged and rationalized this behaviorial tendency. And while this is something I am trying to change in my life, this past weekend in Chicago, I reverted back to my previous modus operandi. Yet, I still ultimately made it home safely.
I realized this entry doesn't really have a point. This is what I should have written:
I was in Chicago for my buddy's bachelor party (Congrats Winer! And thanks Mike for hosting us all!). It was totally really insane and we partied pretty well--really great time guys! My flight got delayed and delayed. Really fucking sucked. I hate rain.
Yesterday on my way to lunch (with Munibhen!) I looked admiringly at this gorgeous woman walking with a friend. It wasn't until she walked by that Munibhen turned to me and said, "Hey, wasn't that--" before we both realized it was Kate Hudson. Kate Hudson. More stunning in person than on the big screen. She couldn't lose me in 10 days. Okay, that sounded stalkerish.
File this report under "Of all the things that matter in this world, this ranks among the least important--right there with the fact my bodega near work is very unfriendly even though I've been going there at least once a day for the past 9 months."
Let Aaron Neville help you take it easy as you unwind from the weekend hecticness. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i43fSjbEmA8]
I'm obsessed with the groundbreaking Discovery Channel series "Planet Earth." What makes this nature show particularly fresh is the innovating and inventive cameras they utilized to capture really amazing videos of the wild. While watching it this past Sunday, I kept a short running diary of my thoughts on what I was seeing (it's all a bit out of context in retrospect here):
Gazelles are motherfucking fast.
Go penguin, go! Run goddammit!!
How the hell do they do the spanning time lapse camera work?
OUR PLANET IS pretty magical and breathtaking and yet, still very alien.
The Arctic Fox is so freakin' cute, I want to toss it into a deep fryer. But how does the fox find the eggs it hides in the ground later?
Damn the music! It sometimes make me tear up a little. JUST a little.
Adidas set up a subway car on the corner of Lafayette and Houston in Soho and invited all these graffiti artists to decorate it, so to speak. The entire circus is to promote their new line of graffiti designed sneakers. Obviously the first thing I thought of when I saw this is the corporate appropriation and commodifying of urban subcultures. The location is particularly astute, because it's located right next to its large Adidas store which is only a block away from painfully hip destination sneaker stores such as Supreme.
That said, it's still pretty sweet to see the tagging happen in action and the creation of rather intricate artwork accomplished collaboratively in a seemingly nonchalant and improvisational manner. However, there was also a certain cognitive dissonance of seeing cops protecting this event.
I think its quantitative impact (eg. translation of graffiti artists exhibition into sneaker sales and dollar $ign$) in terms of strictly marketing is debatable, but the fact that I'm writing about it here on my blog and mentioning Adidas, which roughly 7 people will read, demonstrates that this subway graffiti event is having some impact, as specious as it may ultimately be (Is this more likely to make me buy or consider Adidas? No. Does it make me think or associate Adidas as being "cool" or "hip?" No. Why? See aforementioned remark about the corporate appropriation and commodification. But might this graffiti display influence say, less critical individuals than myself? Maybe. Tourists? Definitely.).
I took a cell phone snap shot of someone doing their thing on the subway car:
I've been meaning to post this a long time ago. It's a screen shot I took of an ad I noticed on Facebook that someone posted. It made me laugh. The thief better never be caught "rocking" the scarf that s/he stole if they care to live.
(I feel like I've blogged this before, but shit, I don't remember...It's still pretty hilarious so here it is again for recent visitors.) The title should be pretty self-explanatory. I don't mean to mock this woman who I'm sure is a lovely lady, but the resemblance is very uncanny.
No photos from Thursday night, but lets just say I ended the night passing out on a couch while wearing a freakin' sweet kimono. Friday night (No work that day thanks to Good Friday), I went to Rififi's to see my friend Dan, from high school perform stand-up. Unfortunately, I got there right after he had finished his set and I was pissed I missed it because putting aside my obvious partiality, I do find his stand up quite hilarious (mmm, jokes about rape, the Holocaust, and abortion). Check out this clip of him from Comedy Central:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gS95kFwgEIs]
Go check out his snazzy new website and friend him on Myspace.
Anyway, check it out: THREE, yes, THREE Alaskans in New York City at the same location and time. Me, Dan, and Dave. Little did the patrons in the bar know that they were in the presence of basically...a lot of Alaskans. If they had, their brains might have exploded. That's why we had to leave the bar--for the welfare of the people inside.
Dan lives out in LA and didn't bring a jacket to NYC. At his meeting at Comedy Central this week, I guess they felt bad that he didn't have a jacket so they gave him this vest from the Comedy Central roasting of William Shatner (heh, Shat. Insert Beavis and Butthead laugh here.).
Afterwards, Cy and I went to S'Mac, a mac and cheese restaurant in East Village. Dang, I'm hungry just looking at this picture.
It was so good, we each got another plate. Haha. I got the 4 cheese and the Cajun one.
On Thursday night, someone said to me "Who throws themselves two birthday parties, anyway??" Cy does. Saturday night, he had his second birthday party at Kush.
Chris's dope gigantic beer (Only four dolla too!) and his uh, 69 coat check ticket. Heh.
Beth and her partner-in-crime from college days. When we first arrived and sat down, Beth asked "Is there dancing that goes on around here? We might have to go somewhere with dancing." Oh, what a prophetic question...
Dang, those "reserved" signs are so tempting to steal, er, borrow. I'm not saying I was in any way involved, but the following have been borrowed by some people from bars and clubs:
Reserved sign; Salt and Pepper shaker; Books; Pillow; And a chair.
Rupa and her friend (again, I'm terrible with names!).
Annie and Chris. The party poses started early!
Yea, so this is the GOOD profile side of my face. From the other side, I'm just a hot mess.
Birthday boy, Chloe and her British friends. They left for England on Sunday. How do I know this? Because Chloe reminded me about 8 times that they were leaving for England the day after. Haha.
Rupa is checking to see if her friend bathed.
Yup!
I'm trying to think of the last time I went to a party that wasn't a hookah joint. Hmmm. I can't remember...but hookah is just so...good.
Regarding hookah being good, Reena is thinking, "YEA IT IS!"
"Birthday boy wants some god damn hookah, Reena! I WANT IT."
Beth is clearly amusing me here.
SMOKE.
MUNIBHEN! (And her friend--I seriously need to take one of those memory classes so I can remember people's names better.)
Haha. Beth looks...dirty here. Not dirt dirty obviously, but like...Spice Channel dirty here. Damn!
2/3s of the Dugger clan, not that you can see the resemblance or anything. Haha.
"Ahh, no more photos!"
Chloe and her friend.
Ooooh: A photo OF a photo being taken. How post-something.
Oh my god, law school's killed Kenny! A rare night away from the law library for this kid.
And it's Monica! Aka Monkiwi!
I think I was saying something like, "ARARHHHHGGGHH" here. And that means "Happy Birthday."
BAM! There it is. Blue Steel bitches!
Night started getting a little hazy here after these two shots of whiskey for me and Chris. And my peeps know I don't do whiskey. Ever.
Remember that question Beth asked earlier? "Is there any dancing?" Sheeeeit. It's not all just photo taking and drinking with us.
And here's Beth doing her part on the dance floor. And look at how HAPPY the guy in the background is that she's doing her thing. Her thing being dropping it low to the ground.
He's like "Yessss. That is wifey right there."
Kenny capturing the moment so he'll never forget when he is locked back up in the law school dungeon.
Me, Chloe and Chris.
Yup.
I like how Beth and Kenny are doing the sexy thing and me and Chris are just acting like dang fools.
Dance, dance, dance. Speaking of, I think SexyBack should be retired from all DJ set lists. It's that time.
Again, soles of the shoes be insulting you.
Reena is really enjoying wearing my manly scarf and and Chris's hat.
I think the whiskey shot I had started to kick in around this point...
Wow. In all the four years or whatever that I've been blogging and taking photos, I've NEVER had a photo like this. "Save to back-up server."
What is going on here? I know two out of four people here read my blog so hopefully one of them can enlighten me on what occurred at this moment.
Group shot!
"ARRRRGHHGHHH," says Matt while Cyrus is heard in the background. "What? Obama, let me call you back tomorrow. I'm out at a club right now. Call you back. What? I'll CALL YOU TOMORROW. Right. Exactly. Peace in the middle east."
I assumed that we left Kush around 2ish, but the text I sent at 5 am from the pizza joint suggests otherwise. Here's Cy looking exhausted after drinking from basically 9 pm to last call.
Looking for a new blog to peruse at work tomorrow (During lunch of course, right?!)? Then check out my friend Monica's new blog (Monkiwi on my blogroll), which is off to a promising start with four great entries:
1) A stuntastic mash-up of Ludacris's new album with the Jackson 5;
2) Recap (with photos!) of her recent experience with her car's tire exploding in the Lincoln Tunnel;
3) A YouTube video of Alanis Morriesette's parody of "My Humps" (Isn't that ironic? No, no, it isn't Alanis.); and lastly
4) Paying tribute to yours truly. Yea, that's right. Me.
It's amusing that the most common reaction of bloggig neophytes is their admitted obsession with their blog's stats, that is, the number of readers. My only advice in that regards is similar to the voice in Field of Dreams that guides Kevin Costner's character. If you build it, they will come...but it can take awhile.
Had a crazy Saturday? Full of debauchery and mayhem? Have an easy Sunday with some Bee Gees: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcAy-TthMiA]
We already know that Bill O'Reilly is a blustering, xenophobic douchebag whose allegiance to hate and bigotry is only second to his TV ratings and rubbing women with loofas. And while he explicitly explicates the "modus operandi" of Carribbean vacations, we know that his modus operandi on his show is to invite a "guest" and then cuts them off while yelling at them and calling them enemies of the State. As much as I dislike Geraldo and as much as I dislike listening to two 'pundits' screaming at one another, it's still good to see someone stand their ground against a bully on his own turf, even if it is another bully such as Geraldo.
My ears are still kind of bleeding from listening to these two, and I'm sure yours is as well, so I'm going to let the sweet, sweet voice of Jon Bon Jovi and the aural medicine that is "I'll Be There" sooth you:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtzcOqv_P-4]
(Thanks Chloe!)
Durex takes off running on its third leg with this brilliant ad for their XXL condom:
To see an, uh, enlarged view...click here.
Going over the bridge, I like to look out at the Manhattan skyline and I'm of the opinion that the monolithic Verizon building is quite a hideous structure. Its overcompensating red corporate logo emblazoned across the top screams its presence all across downtown Manhattan and insecurely asks, "CAN YOU HEAR SEE ME NOW?"
Unfortunately, yes. Yes we can see you now.
On Saturday, I attended a last-minute fundraiser for Barack Obama held by Cy, Waples and O Henry, which was quite fun and it feels good to have been a part, if a very SMALL part of the stuntastic amount Obama raised in the first quarter (Can you bitches say 25 mil? Say it with me, "Twenty-five Mill.").
Viv and Erica are all smiles (because of Obama or the alcohol?).
Take 2. I ask again, what's up with girls always insisting on editorial and creative control?
See. NO creative direction and clearly no deletion powers. And despite that, I have to say in this photo: I LOOK good. Haha.
"No no, Obama! You gotta think positive, man! Think positive bro. You've already made it. You got endless upside bro!"
Me and Viv. A rare foto where I'm actually smiling and not doing anything "weird" like jumping around.
So much for that nice moment. Not quite sure what I'm doing here in this photo.
Fundraiser attendee (Sheesh, I'm terrible with names) enjoying the delicious empanadas Henry cooked up.
Take 2.
When Cy saw this foto later, he said, "I don't even remember drinking that..."
And of course, he didn't remember this taking place either.
Erica insultin yo face by showing the sole of her shoes.
Henry walked around making everyone do shots of that stuff. It WAS tasty.
The night starting to get hectic.
The lawyers.
Haha, you know I can't go a night without ONE jumping picture.
Hey what do you know! I'm at Babel AGAIN. Henry and Chloe decided to have their joint birthday party (Happy birthday ya'll!!) there.
Yo!
The next morning, Erica joined me and Cy for our weekly brunch. She's still drunk here.
Haha. No regrets! And again, much life strategizing occurred and time will only tell whether it's ultimately successful or not. I've been re-reading Kundera A LOT lately for insight.
Afterwards, Henry met up with us at Cy's apartment for some Little Miss Sunshine movie action. Altho, I only got to enjoy about half the movie since I spent the rest of it dealing with work on the phone.
A rare moment of respite from the phone...
And she's out.