A CONVERSATION

P: Aquaman sucks. Me: SHUT UP.

P: He's the weakest superhero ever.

P: He can talk to dolphins and whales.  A lot of good that is.

Me: SHUT UP.  Best never go near the ocean.

P: Dude, I'm from Michigan.  The best Aquaman could do there is round up some killer clams.

P: Help me river trouts!

Me: He'd send killer lobsters!

P: Iron Man would grill them.

Me: Iron Man is a little whiny bitch.

P: At least Namor could fly.

Me: "Ohh, I can't hold my liquor."  Iron Man is weak sauce.

P: Dude, Aquaman's hair always looks exactly the same wet and dry.

Me: At least he never had a MULLET.

P: What's wrong with mullets, Alaska boy?

Me: Just sayin'.  Mullet boy, just sayin'.

Me: Hope your boy enjoys AA.

P: Aquaman would freeze in Alaska.

P: If you were in Alaska and needed help, Aquaman wouldn't make it past Juneau.

Me: Aquaman would send whales to help me.

Me: Iron Man would be drunk in some cabin.

Me: After two beers.

P: This is dumb.

P: Silver Surfer is the best.

Me: YES.

...

P: Emma Frost is the hottest chick in the comic universe.

Me: WHAT?  WHAT?

P: That's one of her super powers.  To be mega hot.

Me: Her white hair reminds me of grandmothers.

P: You're super retarded.

Me: That's one of MY superpowers.

FUTURE PANTS

Jeff, I remember that you wanted new jeans. You still looking? What do you think of these new jeans? They are baggy skinny denim:

Chris, I think you could rock these. Wear them with your Uggs. I have black suspenders you can borrow.

WEDNESDAY ITINERARY FOR MROD

We will be attending the premier of Iron Man on Wednesday at the Ziegfield Theater.  Thanks to Ben for the connect!  I may or may not have been a huge fan of this flawed comic book hero and could explain his personal struggles as well as provide a general overview of the abilities of the various iterations of the Iron Man powersuit.  So yea, I'm pretty stoked about this.  Please direct your jealousy and haterade towards Ben's blog.

QUOTE

Never get into a wrestling match with a pig.  You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

- John McCain

QUOTE

The creature outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.

- George Orwell, Animal Farm

NEW BOSTON APPLE STORE FACADE LOOKS MONSTERLY FAMILIAR

Apple is constructing a new Apple store in Boston and rather than the typical facade during this phase, they've erected a nice little homage to this Red Sox crazed town. I think it's brilliant and adds a bit of humor to the cityscape. I wonder who brainstormed this nice homage to the city and the team.

NEW BMW CONCEPT: M1

What a sick looking car. Love it.

JUDGING MAGAZINE BY ITS COVER

I received this month's issue of the Smithsonian magazine today. Usually this magazine features a pretty interesting topic or story on their front cover, but when I saw this month's cover (see above image) I couldn't have been any more indifferent. "Magical Maine." Are you f'ing kidding me? This isn't an attack on Maine...but come on! Maine?! Oh well.

Check out this magazine online. Say MRod sent you.

PLUG: MY FRIEND IS THE ACUVUE CONTACTS GUY

Check out my friend Bryant in the new Acuvue commercial. As I told him today he is no longer my friend "Bryant," but rather my friend "The Acuvue Guy." I think this is better than being called "The Valtrex Guy." Scroll down to the third ad on the Acuvue website with "Josh and Bryant." Way to go, Bry. Looking forward to your casting, er, appearance on The Hills and Gossip Girls.  Tell Whitney I said what's up.

INTERESTING BIO

Kirk Kerkorian, currently the world's 41st richest individual according to Forbes, has led a really interesting life.

After the war, having saved most of his wages, Kerkorian spent $5,000 on a Cessna. He worked as a general aviation pilot, and made his first visit to Las Vegas in 1944. After spending much time in Las Vegas during the 1940s, Kerkorian quit gambling and in 1947 paid $60,000 for Trans International Airlines, which was a small air-charter service which flew gamblers from Los Angeles to Las Vegas. He then bid on some war surplus bombers, using money on loan from the Seagrams family. Gasoline, and especially airplane fuel, was in short supply at the time, so he sold the fuel from the planes' tanks, paid off his loan - and still had the airplanes. He operated the airline until 1968 when he sold it for $104 million to the Transamerica Corporation.

There's a lesson here somewhere....Ah yes, got it!  Memo to self: Get commercial pilot license.

DISCOVER NEW MUSIC

Broaden your music taste and discover some new artists out there with this easy website.  Let me know if there's anything good there.

I'M MERELY THE MESSENGER

I have no comment.

SHARING IS NOT ALWAYS CARING

More tips for the expectant mother here.

VIOLENCE JUXTAPOSITION

At least 15 drug traffickers were killed in a shootout over the past weekend in Tijuana, Mexico, which was breathless reported on the front page of the LA Times. Over that same weekend, the Times's blog The Lede points out:

As foreign and shocking as the Tijuana shootout may seem, its death toll was nearly matched in an American city on the opposite side of the country: Chicago. Last Monday, the police tallied nine homicides in 36 shootings from Friday night to Monday morning, and then two days later, five people were killed in a single attack.

I get on my soapbox after the jump.

It's interesting to me that American popular culture likes to perceive and stereotype Mexico (and most other regions of this world actually) as a wild outpost of gun toting mustached outlaws, criminals, and drug runners, while conversely guns and our individual right to own guns of all manners in America are something to be held sacred. Otherwise, so the mythos goes, we'd be deprived of the ability to both feed our families and protect them from the common burglar. Also our guns in the closet and in our night stands are the last defense against the inevitable fascist coup led by the World Bank, the United Nations and the Illuminati.

It continues to blow my mind that some people strongly advocate a policy of MORE guns and access to guns to resolve our country's violence. The owner of the online gun shop that sold the tools of destruction, guns to Seung-Hui Cho and ammunition to Steve Kazmierczak, that would ultimately result in the massacre of a total of 37 students and faculty, believes that the solution is for more people ought to carry guns. He is holding a two week sale so everyone "can protect themselves and their loved ones." While plainly opportunistic, it should be remembered that his position is mirrored by many influential and distinguished individuals and groups in this country. Because ultimately it's about profit (the US government leads the world in arms sales), except it's wrapped in an inviolable cloak of patriotism and nativist mythology.

It's not that our country is more violent than other countries. It's just that more people have access to and possess guns in the US. Consequently the violence that occurs in our country results in a much more lethal and deadly ending. Contrary to the NRA and Co.'s justifications, I think the statistics bear out that in the history of our nation, guns have murdered more often than protect.

And this will be my stupid throwaway spurious statement: If we can legislate things such as what professional athletes inject into their body, then we can certainly legislate our "right" to guns.

QUOTE

It's an illusion, Michael! A trick is something a whore does for money...or candy!

- Gob.

KANYE WEST VS. JONAH HILL IN CONNECT FOUR

If you have absolutely nothing at all to do you can watch this enthralling video of Kanye West playing a game of Connect Four against Jonah Hill (Superbad) while Rihanna's "Don't stop the music" is playing in the background.  Sort of a surreal scene in a way.

WAR ON DRUGS

A video clip from a documentary about the war in Afghanistan against the Taliban that shows the Afghan soldiers enjoying and passing around a joint before joining a gun battle.   The ghost of Jerry Garcia saves the life of one soldier at the end of the video. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kXR-D5hmf8]

WORST YEARBOOK PHOTO

It's a pretty disturbing photo and I like to keep this area classy, so I've hid it in the back room.  I know all my friends and readers are too respectable to even want to look at the photo.

Wow.  You really did open the door to the back room.  Unbelievable.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

And the FAIL version (because this is definitely a FAIL situation):

WEEKEND UPDATE: TEMPORARY SOCIAL RETIREMENT

What a weird weekend yet again.  After consulting with Cy I think I'm going to go into a temporary social sabbatical for a bit.

LIES TOLD TO A 3 YEAR OLD

A list of "lies" told by a blogging father to his 3 year old. I find them poignant in a way and also wishing everything on the list was true! Also, I wish I could relive the period of my life when I still had that credulousness and sense of wonder. Here's a few from that list that I'm going to try really hard to believe is true.

• Tiny bears live in drain pipes.
• If you are very very quiet you can hear the clouds rub against the sky.
• The moon and the sun had a fight a long time ago.
• Books get lonely too.
• Sadness can be eaten.

Relatedly, my friend IMs me this morning with the following.

C: So just a quick comment.

C: Probably too much information. But I've had some crazy gas.

C: And she's been sleeping.  So I'm just letting it rip.

Me: Nasty bro.

C: And she just woke up and goes, "That's gross. What's wrong with you??"

C: I couldn't help but just laugh and reply...

C: "There's a frog under the covers."

Me: Hahaha.

So there you have it, kids.  Frogs.