I went to a party with Tony, Lea, and Chris recently. Toshi was hosting an open bar casting party for topless (and body painted in appropriate areas) bartenders at his redonkulous parties. I went expecting to let off some steam. Instead I reached a new high, or low depending on one's perspective in my social history in New York. I woke up the next morning resting half way on the bed with my legs dangling and still wearing my clothing from the night before. Having blacked out for most of the night I do not recall most of the photos below nor my actions that night.
The party was being held in some loft space in Chinatown. We buzzed and buzzed the elevator but it never showed up. A portentous warning that we should have paid attention to and walked away.
We did not heed the warning and instead walked up 7 flights of stairs.
We were a tad early to the party, but when you're friends with the girl who helps run Toshi's parties you're never too early for the open bar! Chris and Lea begin the obligatory vertical and horizontal peace signs. I should have taken a photo of him, but when we finally walked in, we noticed the guy running the elevator just sitting there on the 7th floor and chillin'.
Black Tony, Asian Chris, and Lebanese Lea rocking the photo stereotypes (and I was fulfilling my Korean side by taking the photo).
Chris chatting with Tze. I think he was maybe apologizing for the jackass and toolish behavior of some of the people he arrived with.
Tze, Tony, and Chris. Aw, everyone looks so relaxed.
Lea was being careless with throwing around her purse, so Tony stepped in and fulfilled his role as the Defender of All Women (DOAW).
Mike showed up! Things started getting hazy for the photographer around his point. I also want to publicly apologize to the friend of the girl in the white tank in the background of this photo for not being able to speak coherently to her later that night. Damn that devil combination called Red Bull and Vodka! (1)
One of the girls "trying out" to be a bartender at Toshi's parties. To his credit, he does pay them for one night of work basically making vodka tonics and serving beer a lot of money. Cash money millionaire. Cash money topless.
Disclaimer: The next photo was not taken by yours truly, but instead Lea who grabbed my camera and went nuts with it for awhile. But I'm a man secure enough in his heterosexuality as well as a strong proponent of equality to have a little something for my two lady readers as well:
Again, this photo of couple of the male bartender tryouts was snapped by Lea.
Ladies and gentleman, this "whoring oneself for money 101." Tony decides, with our urging however, to tryout as well. I am demanding a 5 percent cut of his earnings.
I know you ladies are playing close attention to Tony here (I'm talking to you E. Connors), but check out the dude in the background paying extra close attention to the body painting taking place on the girl.
Mike, Me, and Chris.
Tony and his new friend, uh Destiny.
I'm guessing Mike is thinking "I have a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend. That girl is topless. I have a girlfriend." Lea is saying something like "YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH" to Chris.
Lea freaking out, Tony trying to reassure Lea that he is indeed wearing deodorant, and Brent in the background looking classy as ever in the wife beater and beer. I honestly don't remember any of the photos really, beyond this.
Tony doesn't really remember any of this from here on out either. But this is my favorite picture. It's so...decadent. It looks like they are toasting to how great, wonderful, and perfect everything is in life. Open bars can create that illusion apparently.
Hahaha. This is probably my other favorite photo. Looks like Brent's about to bust out his number one line on Lea.
The bar area was minimal hassle and fast!
Oh snap! Brent made the switch to ...Red Bull and Vodka as well it appears!
Tony and I with Raven and Roxy. I wish I could remember this night because this guy Matt in these photo apparently had a really great time at the party.
This photo of Chris is funny, especially since the next day he said that he wasn't that drunk. This photo says otherwise. Funnier yet, is the cat in the white hat (rhymes!) smiling at Chris. Run Chris, run!
Again I absolutely cannot recall this taking place ever, but it makes me laugh. Soon after this, Chris said that he put me in a cab. Before leaving, I rolled down the window and leaned out apparently and said to them, "Why are you guys leaving me? Why??"
That night, I hit the trifecta, the jackpot, the threeway parlay of a bad night of partying in New York:
1. Censored. Please call, IM, email me for this embarrassing action, which Mike unfortunately witnessed (SORRY MIKE!).
2. Throwing up inside a cab and arguing vehemently with the cab driver (SORRY CAB DRIVER!).
3. Calling 911 and speaking with the dispatcher (SORRY DISPATCHER!).
I am generally an outstanding citizen and my behavior above is very atypical. I tend to stick to reading at the libraries, volunteering with underprivileged children, and going to the gym.
1. I recently went out with a friend who claimed Red Bull and Vodka actually does not get people drunk. Fact: This night emphatically demonstrates that Red Bull and Vodka does in fact get people drunk, often to a dangerous degree--as in resulting in potentially physical harm.