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If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.

- Katharine Hepburn

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There will be a retention award. Please do not call it a bonus. It is not a bonus. It is an award.

- James Gorman, co-president of Morgan Stanley. 

[Via]

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This is very controversial, I know, but I think I'm gonna get the Wii Fit then cancel gym membership. - Munira

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Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good whiskey is barely enough.

- Mark Twain

[Thanks Annie!]

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When I see that kid, I'm gonna crack that big fucking nose of his...and then I'm gonna tell him 'Say hi to your mother for me. I'm gonna get on a plane tomorrow, I'm gonna go down to 30 Rock or wherever the fuck they shoot that show, he probably doesn't have a dressing room so I have to find him in the cafeteria or wherever, and I'm gonna slap him in the big nose. Tune in, I gauran-fuckin-tee you. - Douchebag Marky Mark unable to take a joke.

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[T]he closer a man approaches tragedy the more intense is his concentration of emotion upon the fixed point of his commitment, which is to say the closer he approaches what in life we call fanaticism. - Arthur Miller

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This whole financial bailout kind of feels like the opposite of being in the audience during an Oprah's Favorite Things episode. - anildash

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Your evil spawn and her vacuous hubby, Brad Pitt, make about $40 million a year in violent psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children, trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity. - Roseanne Barr

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Why, Mr Stevens, why, why, why do you always have to pretend?

- Kazuo Ishiguro, The Remains of the Day

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The root of all men’s desire is to have sex. When you brush your teeth, it’s to have sex. When you eat, it’s, well, I gotta have energy to have sex. When you get dressed, you think, Oh, maybe if I wear these jeans I’ll be more likely to have sex. - Seth Rogen

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I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra. I'm never likely to go there.

- Billy Connolly

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Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages. Bitter cold. Long months of complete darkness. Constant danger. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in case of success. - Ernest Shackleton, allegedly.

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