It's downright platitudinous, right up there with remarking on the weather or the status of the Mets, to complain nowadays about the high cost of coffee at Starbucks. Nonetheless. $2.11 for a medium (I've joined the ranks who refuse to call it by proprietary cup size naming system) cup of regular (burnt) coffee?! I'm interested in seeing what their new throwback CEO is going to do to revitalize their chain.
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Man, 2008 is really smacking me around trying to get me to notice. I got the shitty news this afternoon that my dog Rudy passed away. Even though there were long stretches of time that I didn't see him, he and I always had a special bond from the time he was a tiny blind puppy no larger than the size of my fist. He was the outcast of the litter of Golden Retriever, who had to fight the hardest to nurse. His fur was also much darker than his litter-mates further distinguishing him. The little guy used to crawl around on my stomach and chest while I tried to work on my pre-calculus homework assignment. I was nervous my summer back after college thinking he forgot me. Of course, he hadn't, and the next morning when I arose from bed, I opened my door to find him waiting expectantly for me. On later visits home, Rudy woke me up each morning by jumping on the bed and nuzzling his head underneath my neck and forcibly pushing my head off the warm pillow. Man, I would give up a lot or pay a lot of money to experience that memory again.
I used to laugh hysterically at the way he'd chase the beam of a flashlight or the reflection off a watch around the room. Or how he'd run around in circles trying to "catch" his tail after I wagged it in front of his nose. Okay, now it sounds like I just tortured him all the time. He had fun! We used to play tug-o-war with my hand. Of course, he never once actually bit me. He was a smart mofo dog! "Open" and he'd open his jaw no matter how much he. did. not. want. to. give. up. that. toy. "Drop" and he'd drop it either into your hands or floor, although his expression said something like, "Oh, I'm gonna get that back. Just you wait bitch, just you wait." I'd place a toy or dog treat about 10 feet in front of him--of course, after I waved it an inch from his face and nose--and tell him to "Wait!" He'd sit. And wait. And I'd pretend to walk away and turn my back. And then, suddenly turn hoping to catch him running towards the treat! Nope. He'd just sit there looking focused at that treat. "Okay!" I'd say, usually jumping in the air at the same time. Boom! Rudy rocketed himself onto that awaiting treat. I know what that treat must have felt like because he and I had this one game where when he was watching me do something, suddenly I'd stop moving and stare at him. And in response, he'd get down into that hunting mode like lions do on the Discovery Channel. This would go on for a minute, two, five and even as long as ten minutes. And then I'd turn and just start running for my life, because he'd chase me. And there's nothing scarier than a 70 pound dog chasing you, even if he is your buddy. I'd eventually run to the kitchen where I'd leap up on the counter (sorry mom, dad!) to escape. Scary...but so fun!!!
Sometimes when watching a movie, and our dogs were always around sleeping usually, my dad would make a bowl of popcorn. Occasionally and without warning, he'd suddenly toss a handful of popcorn onto the floor. Rudy went after that popcorn, beating out the other dogs, like the bastard child of a pokemon (you know, gotta catch 'em all) and a vacuum.
Man, I'm gonna miss you, Rudy. It was so sad to see you my last time home and find the young pup I used to harass and bug to wrestle or chase ball, now gray haired. It gave me chills slightly at the time, but I remember you gamely tried to still play tug of war with me. I still remember that retarded song that I made up one day a long time ago for you. You were an awesome, awesome dog. See ya around Rooody.
2008 is starting off on an inauspicious note. Yesterday I came down at work with a crazy illness of some sort. I think it was omega-hippoitus-flu-classIV cold. Or something. I left work midday and barely made it home, and actually considered calling 911 at some point (Memo to self: Find out when I'm getting my new health insurance card). A Nyquil induced 24 sleep session followed. I heard rumors of this deadly virus spreading through NYC. True? Will I wake to be a zombie hunting after the last surviving man who looks a lot like Will Smith?
He's not really levitating and flying you idiots. The illusion is great however and this video clip shows him pulling back the veil behind the magic, so to speak, or rather his leg (just watch the clip and you'll understand the leg reference). What's even better are all the comments left by people screaming at whoever uploaded this video clip for violating the all mighty MA-GICI-AN CODEEEE!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This was my pedantic pontificating entry last year on this same date. I don't have much to add this year. My status in life for 2008, other than a new job and the accompanying upgrade--although not anywhere near the "pimp my ride" level--remains largely unchanged. I followed through on about 80 percent of my resolutions from last year. My goals for the new year is to continue those from 2007, as well as this one addition:
In high school I went on our school annual fall retreat to a cabin ground. For a roll call session there, my friend wrote down the name of a fictional classmate. "Mike Ock? Is there a Mick Ock?" Hilarious then. Hilarious now, which is why I find this story hilarious.
[Insert blond joke here]
This photo makes me laugh.
This is a fantastic two-hour guest lecture given by esteemed Brown University professor Ken Miller at Case Western University as he logically and with humor illustrates the fallacies of Intelligent Design's friable arguments and its depredation against science. Ring in the new year with some knowledge. [youtube=http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=JVRsWAjvQSg]
I was at the Apple Store on Sunday with Cyrus to provide him some clarity and guidance on the various Apple MacBook family of laptops. A sales associate came over to assist us as we were poking around on a MacBook Pro. He wasn't the most informed Apple employee I've ever spoken with, but tried his best to be helpful. So on the effort column, he received high marks. Cyrus then asked him "So which Mac do you have?"
The sales guy paused and disconsolately answered. "A Dell" he said. He then ranted and complained that his father had failed by not getting him a new Mac for Christmas.
I asked him what the employee discount is there at Apple. "Twenty-five percent."
At this point anyone that is familiar with the Internet possibly has heard of the countless "facts" about superbeing Chuck Norris. Example? How about the fact that there is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. Or Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. It's true. I read about it in Wall Street Journal. Or as I heard during an airing of the World Series of Poker Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. Well now, read what Zach Braff has to say about himself, Chuck Norris, and world peace.
A contemplative film about the insanely acrobatic and powerful trap jaw ants. FUCK THAT THING. Maybe Ant Man can beat Superman and the Green Lantern.
It's macabre but the recent killing of Benazir Bhutto "...is one of those rare things in a presidential race — an unscripted, unexpected moment that lays bare a candidate’s leadership qualities and geopolitical smarts."
1. Catching all the transfer subway trains one right after the other, especially late at night. Ah, so zen. 2. Ad-libbing a muted episode of Deal or No Deal with a hot bartender and mutually yelling at the TV hoping the greedy bastard, who wasn't happy with the $105,000 offer, goes bust (which he totally did!). Ah, so zen.
3. Walking behind a fast moving large person who clears the path for me during pedestrian rush hour on 34th Street near Macy's. This can be the difference between walking into work exactly on time or 8 minutes late. When this happens, I feel like a running back rushing behind a great blocker. He's at 6th Ave, and now 7th...and he...may....go...all...the...way!!! Ah, so zen.
4. Sitting down in a restaurant and discovering that they have a 3 dollar dinner entree and 3 dollar beer happy hour, which lasts until 1o pm. Ah, so zen...for my wallet.
5. Finding a John Varvatos shirt for 20 bucks. Ah, so zen.
6. Saturday morning cup of coffee with the Smithsonian Magazine. Ah, so zen.
I don't mean to look over people's shoulders at their reading material on the subway, but this one particular passenger's reading material really caught my attention:
I'm not sure if this photo is clearly legible (click here to zoom in), but the headline of the article printout, as seen at the top of the page, is "Learn how to strip for your guy" from the female-centric website iVillage.
Aside from the fact that this woman is going to strip for her man which is always awesome, always awesome, I appreciate the fact that she actually printed out these hints and instructions. That's the sort of due diligence that will take a girl places. Besides, after Guitar Hero, this might be the second best Christmas gift a man can receive.
Merry Christmas Eve everyone. My blog's holiday gift to my readers this year is this wonderful video (And I swear on Jesus's grave that he arose from that it does not include any cups or scatologic references) of a hot woman playing drums demonstrating the pure awesomeness of both the wonder bra, drum solos, and lastly Phil Collins. Rock on. And here's the original version that the video above is spoofing.
Although I started a new job this week, my old company was gracious enough to invite me to their holiday party, which took place last Wednesday at the speakeasy style bar, the Back Room.
This is the nondescript bar entrance, which is marked by this sign. In any other city, this would be just plain dirty, but in New York, of course it gives the bar an immediate hip cache.
Then you walk through this tunnel.
And up the steps to this simple door. Once you step inside, you're met by the warm glow of the soft wood decor in this intimate split level bar. Our party however took place away from the plebes in a private room that is accessed by a fake bookshelf entrance.
Perry gives the speech thanking everyone for their hard work. Note the tea cup which is how mixed drinks are served. The party opened with the exchange of secret santa gifts.
Tony was my secret santa, so here he is opening his present. Xbox game.
Cliff with his video game gift card.
Midway, Jim, my all time favorite finance guy (how many accounting guys do you know of who can break dance and recite lyrics to almost every rap song out there?) shows up! You can't get more gangsta then the maroon v-neck.
Dave, the self-proclaimed Madden champ of the universe, was my secret santa. Thanks for the nice Adidas kicks! My last two weeks at the company I was relocated next to him and basically killed his productivity by engaging him in riveting discussions and arguments as disparate as the history of sneakers, how badly I could destroy him at Madden, and whether Superman or Predator could beat the Green Lantern (I said Green Lantern is superior to both). Did I mention Dave also used to work as Madonna's bodyguard in the '90s?
Damaris thanking Sharon for her gift.
Tom digging through his bag for his gift.
And Tom brough the arts by reading a poem he wrote.
Not only did Marelle receive a poem, Tom also got her this...object, which I understand is called a "see-dee." It's like a record that you put into this machine, and it plays music! I think my parents have this machine.
Christien opening his gift. After my sneakers, this might be the second dopest gift!
And he also got hot sauce!
And Perry nervously awaiting her gift. I think Christien got her a gift card to a massage salon or something.
Staceyann making sure her thoughts are known!
Jim's like "screw gifts." Food, bitches!
Staceyann the diva in full force!
Staceyann thanking Perry. Note how carefully Perry is holding her glass o' alcohol. Sorry Perry for spilling vodka tonic on you later that night!!
Lea freaking out because she thought she knew who her secret santa was. Wrong!
Lea is very excited about her gift from Tara.
Jim with his gift. You can probably surmise that he has kids.
The other company who shares the same office spaces gives Perry a little familiar color token of appreciation.
Rory makes an appearance!
Lea doing something here.
Looks like I got two secret santa gifts.
I always tip well. I think she made about 10 bucks. Honestly though, this behavior should be encouraged at all bars.
Haha. Rory and Linda!
Me and Jim. Note the collar shirt and v-neck sweater combo. I haven't dressed like this since college when I was going through my J Crew phase.
Tony will probably claim he was 'dragged' out onto the dance floor, although it looks like he is a very willing participant here with his own agency. Go Ton-y! Go-Ton-y! Drop it low, Ton-y!
Damaris shows her appreciation for Tony's dancing skills.
Me and Tony! The bar serves their beer in paper bags. I guess that's cool? Although it seems very non environmentally friendly.
My now former co-workers! Miss you all!
Lea trying to choke Damaris.
Haha.
By the end of the night everyone was treating the bartender like an old friend and coworker. Gawd, open bars rock.
Dance dance revolution in full effect.
Haha.
Tony and his harem, I mean very respectable and awesome coworkers!
Tony and Marelle.
After the open bar ended, Staceyann, Lea, and I got the munchies.
Ah, the drunken mouth open photo shot never gets old.
See! It never gets old.
Mmmm pizza.
Lea conducting a pizza orchestra.
Not sure whether Staceyann is laughing or about to throw up.
After pizza, I insisted on McDonalds, where Lea got us four cheeseburgers, fries, and a 10 piece McNugget.
But this is what's crazy! THREE out of the four cheeseburgers did NOT have meat in them. What the fuck?! At least we were able to get a comped refill on our soda.
Watch this video of this college kid (note the cinder block walls and extra long twin beds...ah, college life) playing Fire and Flames on expert level. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9ao_vOsZkg]
Fomer coworker aka The Big Boss aka Lea had a small party at her apartment with her coterie of international friends. The party was a rare treat in that it was near my apartment.
Chris decided to rock the...couture cowboy look.
Needing to buy some beer for the party, we had to pick between the upmarket Fort Greene Farm or the more pedestrian, contrary to its name, deli: Superior Market. We went with Superior Market for its surprisingly greater beer selection and cost savings.
Former coworkers flashing their pearly whites as usual. Tony unlike last time left his shirt on.
Take two.
Chris showing off his yo-yo skills. Like sexyback, the yo yo is back ya'll! My former company (former as of last Friday officially) also does various street team and promotional events for clients. One client provided us with all types of promo items to distribute including yo-yos. I spent the last two weeks at my ad agency walking around the office and Soho playing with the yo-yos. The best we could do is walk the dog, around the world, and 2/3s of rock the cradle. Chris is on expert level with these things.
A joint birthday party for someone (Sorry, I forgot your name!) and Sophia. Happy birthday Sophia!
This is sort of two pictures in one. First there's Lea and Staceyann sharing a treat. And then there's Tony in the background extremely happy at the scene in front of him. He and I were like the Girls Gone Wild photographers. "Come on, just share the cookie. No one is going to see this anyway."
Chris working on his mad yo yo bag of tricks.
Sophia the Birthday Girl (who basically crashed the actual birthday girl's party!).
Staceyann, and Tony in the background talking to Steve.
Sophia commandeering the camera. Her aim is not so good here.
Take two.
Gah, I forgot your name! But this cat was a cool dude who works at Atari.
Uh oh. Staceyann flexes a pose.
The hipster ninja!
Staceyann running away from hipster ninja.
Hahaha.
Tony wants no part of what's happening above.
I'm not quite sure what Chris is doing to Lea but it makes me laugh.
"Eat it, bitch!"
Take one.
Take two. There's a lack of facial pose consistency in this photo. We need practice.
Getting ready to leave. Thanks Lea for the hospitality and fun party!!!
I see this subway platform ad everywhere. Apparently it's for a documentary about this basketball team named the Nimrods. Of course my narcissistic side immediately saw the "mrod" connection, although nimrod might truly be more correct.
Saturday morning I woke up ass early to catch a NJ transit bus at Port Authority. Tony and I offered our company's painting services to one of my former coworkers. I don't know what we were thinking.
Tony doesn't look too thrilled either. But then again he always has this expression, unless we're playing Halo 3 or drinking.
Painter me.
Coworker Laurie's house is right near the diner used as the backdrop for the finale scene to the Soprano's tv show.
Look at our expert abilities.
This turned out to be a two day affair that left us effing exhausted by the end of each day. Saturday night, we just got some fish sandwiches, onion rings (total bill:5 bucks!) and played Halo 3.
Our painting company is currently on hiatus while the management (Tony and I) rethink this labor-centric business model of ours.
This print ad from the creative minds at Saatchi & Saatchi for a vodka is clever for its usage of stock illustrations to tell a story about what happens when a guy goes to a bar and drinks a lot of vodka. The repetitive usage of images seems reminiscence or derivative of this popular (and effing hilarious) political comic strip, "Get Your War On." Anyway, I'm not sure about this ad's effectiveness in terms of getting people to purchase and order "42 Below" vodka, but it's worth a good "hah!" chuckle and gives a nice edgy buzz to the company, which is sometimes 99 percent of the marketing battle. Uh oh, by blogging about this have I fallen into some marketing guru's trap?
Someone did a digital analysis of the final scene in Lost in Translation and uncovers what it is exactly that Bill Murray whispered. Don't worry, this isn't one of those trick videos that draws you in before some screaming horror girl pops up on screen to scare the bejesus outta you. [youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=5MV7Sym8bIQ]