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This little person wrestler is just so greasy. Stating a fact here folks. No jokes. Move on please.
Taking advantage of my first day not feeling like crap as well as my work's flex plan, I took a walk to the "Eye Shoppe" and finally updated my eyeglasses from circa 2001 with a sick new pair. Think Matt Damon in "Talented Mr. Ripley" (minus those cornea burning green swimtrucks). I'm back baby, I'm back!
Although the experience was ruined by the shop's proprietor making me run through the racist "where are you from" questions and completely ignorant exposition on the Japanese and Korean (same diff, you know), and Alaskans. Walking home, I wished I had changed my mind on the purchase inside the shop.
The elephants, those majestic creatures of the animal kingdom are also sick, sick, sick bastards. Watch the clip until the very end for the finishing "touch." Jeff, you know you want to watch it. Watch it. WATCH ITTTT.[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOXPjV1y51o]
Me: So how did mom and dad's cat get along with yours? Sis: Not good. She has no eyes.
Me: Who?
Sis: My cat. She has no eyes. She has glaucoma and had to get her eyes removed.
Me: So, what's there instead?!
Sis: Nothing.
Me: What?! Nothing? Just two black holes?
Sis: Yea!!
Me: You should get your cat like that eye visor thingy worn by that blind dude on Star Trek.
Update:
When my sister told me about her cat with no eyes I thought immediately "that is what nightmares are made of," and despite potentially regretting it, I asked her to send me a picture of it.
Instead of a nightmare it's a totally freakin' cute cat: she looks like she's always sleeping basically!
And also, at night the cat puts on her devil costume and runs around town fighting criminals.
She's fuckin' Matt Damon! And she lets her boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel know that she's fuckin' Matt Damon. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KUowJzpgxs]
I previously blogged about this online series that both educates and hilariates. The latest installment of "You Suck at Photoshop" might be one of the funniest yet. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-8hQh6hdnI]
Boy Meets Blog is temporarily suffering and trying to recover from a strep throat and fever.
Boy Meets Blog has recently learned that NFL Giants quarterback Eli Manning has recently acquired an undetermined sexually transmitted disease or "STD" on his throwing hand. This alleged infection originally occurred at, unnamed sources claim, a pajama party. Privacy laws shield and protect the name of the individual who may allegedly and quite possibly infected New York golden boy Eli Manning, who figured to play a crucial role in this Sunday's Super Bowl to be held in Arizona. However the following recent photograph of Eli Manning touching Paris Hilton with his right hand at a pajama party has caused rampant rumors and speculations on this mystery. Boy Meets Blog has been unable to contact Paris Hilton or her family.
Unsurprisingly the ever stoic Patriots have no comment other than to say that they wish Eli fast recovery and knowing his competitive spirit, hope to see him on the field. "Eli is a great guy" said Patriots coach Bill Belichick.
Separately, a request was filed by both the Patriots and Giants with the NFL commissioner's office that the entire Harvard University medical staff as well as the 8th division of the U.S. Army Medical Corps be on standby at the stadium in the event of infection mutation. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) will also be closely monitoring Eli's condition. It's unclear how the sun and heat will affect the oozing puss.
The Umbrella Corp. has also volunteered their services as well.
...and after wishing for world peace, and the end of human suffering and violence (he kindly let me sort of combine those two into one since I convinced him he'd have to do one to resolve the other), I then wished to attend this year's Super Bowl, specifically this Super Bowl package: Thursday January 31st
Check into your own private 5500 square foot Villa at the five star Sanctuary Camelback Mountain Resort & Spa, featuring 4 four bedrooms, four baths, gourmet kitchen, billiards lounge, stereo system, and a plush living area open onto a deck to enjoy the glorious sunsets and mountain views. Don't forget the hot tub either.
· Hit the 944 Mag Village/50 Cent/Paris Hilton extravaganza at the Scottsdale Waterfront at Stetson Canal - VIP style of course.
Friday February 1
· Leather and Laces Ball with Carmen Electra, Katherine Bell, and Roselyn Sanchez. Don't forget about the entertainment by Sugar Ray featuring Mark McGrath, Various DJs, the Girls from Deal or No Deal and Special Performances by Cirque du Soleil. Not too fing shabby.
Saturday February 2
· It's not all parties and glam. May as well fit in 18 holes while you are in the desert, and the best way to do that is at the NFL Charities Celebrity Golf Classic at the Wigwam Golf Resort and Spa. Sunday February 3
· Sunday. Game Day. You may as well come correct because you don't know when you will have this chance again. What do we have on tap? The ultimate package for any football fan. Start off with three hours of hospitality with seasonal & regional food stations, full open bar, live entertainment, multi-screen pre-game broadcast, dedicated security entrance into stadium perimeter and more. As a bonus, the always rockin Earth Wind and Fire will perform for the assembled VIPs. Aww yeah.
· Last but not least - game time. How about a fully catered Luxury Suite for you and 7 of your closest friends on the 40 yard line. Enjoy the game in the ultimate setting while the rest of the common folk is smushed together in their non-luxury box seatings.
These phrases need to be banned from the political vernacular, and any politician heard uttering any of them will automatically forfeit their race and go into immediate time out in Sitka, Alaska. 1. Flip flop. *Unless used in the context of open toe sandals perfect in the warm tropical breeze of the Caymans.
Exhibit A.
2. [Insert scandal]+suffix "gate." Any derivative of the word Watergate to describe scandals, from sports to politics to what Betty did at the nail salon should be banned. It diminishes the enormity of the actual Watergate scandal. Usage of gate to describe a hinged barrier or door is acceptable however.
Exhibit B.
3. Although, not a phrase, I want to see a ban on the "Clinton thumb" during speeches and debates. Let me explain, although I'm sure Monica Lewinsky has a different understanding of the Clinton thumb than you or I (WOW. What does that even mean??): You know, the one with the thumb placed over the closed fist that politicians like to use to make a point or underscore something. According to the politicians' focus groups, pointing the finger is inflammatory and accusatory, while waving an open hand around is too Hitler, which isn't the best association. It conveys trust and firmness. I think it conveys robotic and contrived assholeness. Hey politicians: JFK looked sincere and good doing it. You on the other hand look retahded.
Exhibit A. Your honor, I'd also like to submit this as evidence of John Edwards' douchebaggery. I kid, Johnny. I like you okay. You're just no Obama. I can't quit him.
Citizens, any more phrases, words, or behavior you'd like to add to this list?
The episode of "Friends," the one where Chandler and Joey trade apartments with Rachel and Monica which I admit is a funny episode, is re-mixed here with the Justice League. Can I see a show of hands of those unfamiliar with the Justice League? Hmm, okay, mainly all the girls in the classroom here. Well, the Justice League is a band of superheroes in the DC comic universe. They are comprised of the following: Superman (How does his supersperm not kill Lois Lane?), Batman (Unhealthy obsession with bats, not that there's anything wrong with that), Robin (Gay), Wonder Woman (lamest chick superhero), Flash (Refuses to run for USA in Beijing Olympics because of the air quality, allegedly), and Aquaman (Badass motherfucker), among others.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khGUPEdY-Fk]
Damn, it must have taken a lot of time to put this together.
So the Washington Post had an article printed coincidentally on the same day as my birthday about the efforts of a New York City couple's attempt to find the owner of a digital camera the girlfriend had found in a cab on New Year's Eve. Using the actual photos on the camera as clues they eventually located the camera's owner living in Sydney, Australia. Maybe all ya'll can help me out and initiate this process in reverse order? What say you? Mine isn't even nearly as difficult as the international chase in the aforementioned story, considering I live in the same city that I lost it at. I left my digital camera, a Canon SD400 circa 2006ish and it was last seen at Le Souk on Saturday night.
Come on, people! Dammit, we can do this! I know some of you readers are brilliant and resourceful people.
My camera is identical to the one below, albeit dinged up with some scratches. It had about 15 party pictures of last night's party regulars drinking and smoking hookah.
Someone needs to invent a word for late lunches that occur around 4 pm. Lunner? Linner?
Unfortunately my camera got lost/stolen at my small birthday gathering on Saturday night. Too bad because everyone was looking stuntastic on the stylish tip. Lesson learned: Don't leave your camera out on the table when you go disappear to the dance floor for three hours. Despite its loss, I still had an amazing birthday weekend. Thanks to everyone who made it so terrific, particularly to the Roc Boys aka The Tribe Called Quest, although we greatly missed the presence of founding member Cyrus who couldn't be with us unfortunately. The unexpected theme for me on Saturday night is best expressed by this James Bond classic, From Russia with Love, except for the guns, fiery explosions, helicopters, speeding boats, and tuxedo.
Update: Slate asks and answers: "Where did all those gorgeous Russians come from?
T-minus now. It's my birthday.
It's a celebration, bitches.
In order to offset the downturn in our economy, Congress is trying to push through a stimulus package. They are proposing tax rebates up to $600 for an individual and $1200 for couples. I'm not sure that this is the best way to stimulate our economy. Instead, I'd recommend putting on some nice clothes, going out to dinner, followed by drinks at a nice chic lounge, or that speakeasy jazz club, and then going back to the apartment for some "coffee" and more "conversationalizing." Yea, I think this would stimulate the economy real good. Oh yea.
Chuck Hayes of the Houston Rockets has absolutely the worst free throw I've ever seen...and I can't get enough of it. I could watch an entire game of him at the free throw line. If I was an opposing player, or hell, if I was his teammate, I'd try to foul him every opportunity I could just for the laughs and giggles. The last video below has the additional hilarity of my fellow Alaskan Carlos Boozer saying "Oh shit!" after one of Hayes's terrible, terrible attempts. [youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=0wQq9YWZ568]
[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=mWPsSFfaUMU]
[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=55zIDCYSOMs]
And for the bonus round, watch this bizarre sequence at a Knicks game involving a free throw followed by a stupid, stupid, stupid Knicks play of the likes I haven't seen since third grade when I first moved to this country and learned the rules of this American sport called basketball.
[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=udfYNQJaImw]
Is it me or does Chris Kamen look like a Simpsons character?
This is an interesting legal and ethical conundrum coming out of Sweden, and I'm unsure of my thoughts on it as well.
The Karolinska Institute here is famed for choosing the winners of the Nobel Prize in Medicine each year, and as one of the world’s most prestigious medical schools it rejects many students with the highest grades.Last summer, Karl Helge Hampus Svensson, 31, was among the 180 students admitted to the freshman class after receiving top grades in high school and courses he took online over the previous six years.
But last fall, institute officials received two anonymous letters claiming that Mr. Svensson had been a Nazi sympathizer who was paroled from a maximum-security prison after being convicted in 2000 of murder, a killing the police called a hate crime.
After confirming the information, the institute had to decide: should Mr. Svensson be allowed to become a doctor?
Actually, after further consideration of this story, I think the answer is a firm "no." The medical profession is a unique one in that doctors are custodians of our body, health, and well being. As such, a person with a past history of taking another's life should be automatically excluded from the privilege of being a doctor.