WHIPPING CONGRESSIONAL FAT CATS INTO SHAPE

For those of you in DC and you've been puzzled at seeing representatives, senators, their aides and interns opting to take stairs instead of elevators while checking pedometers, this Times article provides the explanation:

They are taking part in the WalkingWorks Capitol Hill Challenge, a six-week pedometer contest sponsored by the Blue Cross Blue Shield Association, where House and Senate offices compete to rack up miles. To account for the different sized offices in Congress, the challenge has two categories: overall miles, and average miles per walker. It ends June 25, and the winning teams will have donations to charity made in their name.

[...]

There is Kyle Oliver, 30, the legislative director for Representative Ralph M. Hall, 85, a Republican from Texas whose office is in the top 10 for both contest categories, who no longer views a quick errand as a nuisance, but sees it as “Oh, that’s 10 minutes I can walk.”

There are the aides from Mr. Voinovich’s office who now get excited when their interns give tours because, according to their calculations, it is more than 2,000 steps each time they show constituents around the Capitol.

Read more here.

SHAMELESS PLUG

games.myspace.com

ROBOT DRAWING

This is your drawing of the day from yours truly.

JOKE

Two fish are in a tank.

One looks at the other and says:

"You man the guns. I'll drive."

DR SEUSS TALKS SMACK TO THE BERENSTAIN BEARS

“Let’s talk about your rhymed verse,” Geisel had proposed. … “Your scansion is pretty good. But again, it’s too complicated. And your line lengths are all over the place. They won’t look good on the page. Try to even them up. Also, you’ve got a few interior rhymes. Let’s leave interior rhymes to Cole Porter and Ogden Nash. And I’ve counted at least 10 convenience rhymes,” by which he meant rhymes that added nothing to the narrative.

Theodor Geisel aka Dr Seuss's first meeting with "Stan and Jan Berenstain, who were pitching a story about a family of affable bears."

Read more here.

BREAST BELATED CHRISTMAS WISHES!

The ever hysterical Dan received as a belated Christmas present one old breast implant given to him by one of his friends who upgraded to a new set.  I wonder which lucky individual received the other one...

Now he's asking his friends and readers what he should do with it.  I think he should regift it.

Read more here.

ELECTRIC STORM

Although bringing no respite from the recent early summer heat wave, over the past few days New York City has experienced a couple brilliant but short thunderstorms.  My friend Paul took some great photographs of them from his rooftop (maybe not the safest thing to do in the world...).  These are a few of my favorites:

View more here.

[Thanks Paul!]

CUTENESS OVERLOAD: PIG FEARS MUD

One of the baby pigs at a UK sausage company arrived with a bad case of mysophobia--a fear of dirt.

Owners Debbie and Andrew Keeble were at a loss, until they remembered the four miniature wellies used as pen and pencil holders in their office. They slipped them on the piglet's feet - and into the mud she happily ploughed.

Just way too much cuteness ensued as this photo demonstrates:

It's so freakin' cute, I just want to chop it up and devour it with a nice omelette.

Read more here.

MILFS UPSET ABOUT RACY BOOKS ON SALE AT URBAN OUTFITTER

A Washington state resident was upset to discover on an excursion to Urban Outfitters to buy clothing for her teenage son they also sold "sexually charged books" there.  I think the bigger crime is that she was buying her son clothing from Urban Outfitters.  Anyway, that's neither here nor there.  And preaching overly-protective parents isn't really news.  What's news is when the last name of the mom in question is "MILFS."

Milfs was so appalled that she is preparing to file a complaint with the city of Lynnwood, and has already aired her frustrations to State Rep. Norma Smith, R-Clinton, and organizations including Morality in Media, Concerned Women of America and the American Family Association.

She also called Urban Outfitters' corporate office in Philadelphia.

"They said they are not sex books or pornography books, but that they are art books and their goals are to support artists," Milfs said.

Urban Outfitters declined to comment on Milfs' concerns.

Read more here.

SPELLING BEE NUMBNUT

A lighthearted moment from this year's 2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee involving the eventual winner of the event as he mishears the word and thinks he is being asked to spell "numbnut." [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjzrNWPul9E]

OUCH

I accidentally sliced the joint of my thumb on the palm facing side. Not so deep that it bleeds, but every time I bend my left thumb I get a jolt of pain. %$#@! I doubt the Hulk struggles with these sort of issues.

INTERACTIVE: WHO SUPPORTED WHO

The New York Times has this great interactive and pretty captivating graphic that breaks down the demographic of Clinton and Obama supporters. To be Captain Obvious for a moment: the data that the graphic interprets suggests that gender, class, and especially race mattered strongly and had a substantive impact on how people voted. I'm not going into it here, but it's interesting to think about what this data means and what the repercussions, if any, will be for the Republican Party and conservatives in the years to come. View here.

WII FIT VIDEO IS AN ACCIDENTAL VIRAL EFFORT

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v31qxrXsxv0] This admittedly terrific video of apparently a guy's girlfriend playing hula hoop on the new Wii Fit game has garnered nearly 2 million views on YouTube alone and countless more on copycat sites.

View more pics here.

Giovanny Gutierrez, the director of interactive media at ad agency Tinsley, surreptitiously recorded his girlfriend, Lauren Bernat (who also happens to work in advertising) playing Wii Fit and then, as we all know--all 2 million plus of us--he posted it on YouTube. And despite their advertising connections, he swears up and down that this wasn't commissioned by his agency or Nintendo.

How'd she react after she found out? Guiterrez told the LA Times:

"She was FURIOUS," wrote Gutierrez, who said she "called me on the phone screaming her head off and then hung up on me."

"But now [she] finds herself actually laughing about it and enjoying her 15 minutes of fame."

It really brings to life the adage that it is better to do and ask for forgiveness later than to ask for permission first and be rejected. Wait, did I just make that up?? Either way, it's a pretty useful principle. I like the guy's quick-footed justification for all of this:

The whole thing was just an idea I had for a spec viral video.

Brilliant!

I can see him racking his brain for an excuse after his girlfriend found out about the video. His first thought was "Damn, how'd she find out? I thought I posted it as private and only sent the link to Jacko, Tommy, and Sandman."

"You fucker! How could you do this?! What were you thinking?!"

"Baby, baby. Calm down. What are you talking about?

"What am I talking about?! That fucking video of me on YouTube that you recorded. That's what I'm talking about!"

"Ohhh, that. Baby, calm down. I was just working on an, uhm, viral spec. Yea, a spec. For a potentially huge new client of ours. You know, Nintendo. You know how it is. You're in advertising. It's all about digital and viral and MyYouTubeBook this and that. I've just been under so much pressure from Mr. Tinsley to produce. "Gotta bet big to win big," he says all the time. If we get this then I, I mean, we can finally start looking at those special rings that you like to talk about so much. Just doing it for us. The team. Fuck Mr. Tinsley. I'm doing this for the team of you and me. You can't be getting so upset like this all the time. Now I'll be home in 10 minutes. What's for dinner?"

The lesson here is that:

1. Hot chick.

2. Nerdy activity.

3. YouTube

4. +1 million views

5. ?

6. Profit!

THOUGHT EXPERIMENT: SURVIVING IN THE MIDDLE AGES

Say you jumped into a time machine which malfunctioned and dumped you in a random European city in around 1000 AD.  What advice or information would be useful for survival?  These are a few tips readers left that I thought would be applicable and helpful. Technically for this thought experiment I think one shouldn't be allowed to bring anything beyond what they are wearing and excluding items like lighters which as one commenter wrote would make you "friggin Merlin." As you read through, the comments and arguments start getting more and more complex and lengthier.  Either way, if I was a teacher this would make for an excellent and interesting homework assignment for my classroom.

I'd start a shop that did nothing but boil water and then sell it. I'd market it as "de-spirited" water and sell it to midwives, priests, doctors - anyone who would be charged with the health of another. The boiled, micro-organism free water would dramatically improve the health outcomes for anyone with cholera or plague or infection. Even marginally better outcomes using clean water would bolster my reputation and business. Of course, barriers to entry would be pretty low in my business, but if I were widely copied, I'd start a health revolution. For that quantum timeline anyway.

Wouldn't the easiest way to use future knowledge to your advantage in 1000 AD be to know well the history of the time period and use that to become a successful fortune teller? The comparative advantage that you were actually right would be huge. Presumably your timeline would diverge rapidly from ours, but you could cement your reputation early and coast for a long time on it. Then, just write what would have happened in future centuries and you will be hailed as the greatest psychic in history when at least some of it comes to pass. But remember to be vague to account for the divergence, except for things that are unlikely to be affected by human history (e.g. Little Ice Age, volcanic eruptions, Tunguska asteroid strike, etc.).

Your primary goal is to hook up with the clergy or the nobility. Everything else gets you killed or turned into a near-slave.

Don't step on any butterflies.

A lot of the comments presuppose a white person traveling back, but I wonder how they'd react if *I* suddenly landed at their muddy township.

Read more here.

ASHLEY ALEXANDRA DUPREE....AND HER MOM?

Us Versus Them applies their special brand of penetrating analysis on Former New York Governor Spitzer's former escort Ashley Alexandra Dupree aka Many Vowels ("I'd like to buy a vowel, no, make that two vowels--the A and most oh-so-definitely the E.") hanging out at the beach with her mom.

Mom’s has to be running through the “mature escort” game. I mean she stays in the gym, and the gene pool is strong. I mean talk about born and bred for the streets…

Read and...uh, view more here.

THE LONG BETS

I tote don't know how I missed this but Ted Danson won a long bet on whether or not the Red Sox would win the World Series before the US men's soccer team would win the World Cup. He won 2,000 bucks which was donated to his preferred charity. I do like his reasoning especially regarding the level of competition in baseball and soccer:

Besides, statistically, scoring goals is harder than hitting a home run, and in the World Cup, you have the whole WORLD against you, in baseball, but the Red Sox only really have to beat the Yankees.

Recently Warren Buffett challenged a hedge fund with a long bet claim of his own with the winner receiving $1 million dollars which will be donated to their charity of choice. Buffett argues that:

Over a ten-year period commencing on January 1, 2008, and ending on December 31, 2017, the S & P 500 will outperform a portfolio of funds of hedge funds, when performance is measured on a basis net of fees, costs and expenses.

Because he says that the costs imposed by hedge funds negates the extraordinary gains that they are supposed to provide their clients, and "investors, on average and over time, will do better with a low-cost index fund than with a group of funds of funds." Currently 77 percent of the public side with Buffett on this prediction. I'd love it if one of my more economics savvy friends could jump in here with their more cogent thoughts on this.

Read more here.

BANNED: TOP TOURIST DESTINATIONS THAT AMERICANS CANNOT VISIT

Hopefully someday these places will be as easy, open, and in the case of Somalia, safe to visit as South Beach--minus the man thongs. Those I think we can all do without.

Location: Somalia’s east coast

Why you should go: The beaches that separate Mogadishu from the Indian Ocean rank among the most beautiful stretches of sand in the world, say many of the very few Western travelers who ever venture there. Coral reefs teeming with fish are easily accessible from the shore (although tourists pursuing aquatic leisure should leave all valuables at home in case their boat is hijacked by pirates). Back in Mogadishu, visitors can find virtually anything in the city’s outdoor markets—except peace of mind. A 2004 Economist article noted that hand grenades go for a mere $10, and other popular items include antiaircraft guns and mortars.

Read more here.

DON'T CALL IT A COMBACK: GEO METRO

What it lacks in styling (although I think it has classic Saab-esque European lines), the Japanese Suzuki Geo Metro makes up for in its gas mileage (44 MPG!!!) and as a result it is making a faddish comeback.

Before jumping on the bandwagon, shoppers should keep in mind that older cars with tiny engines like the 55-hp Geo Metro offer dismal acceleration—take the Metro's zero to 60 mph in a leisurely 12 seconds. For many, that may seem an acceptable trade-off for mileage that rivals a gasoline-electric hybrid. Regular gas hit an average national price of $3.95 per gallon on May 29, vs. $3.20 a year ago, according to the American Automobile Assn.'s Daily Fuel Gauge Report.

However, the Geo isn't going to win any prizes in the safety department as it lacks side air bags and anti-lock brakes were optional for the Suzuki hatchback.

Read more here.

THE ULTIMATE REJECTION LETTER

Herbert A. MillingtonChair - Search Committee 412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely, Chris L. Jensen

[Thanks Mun]

THOUGHT

Today would be perfect for crocs.