LAST NIGHT'S PARTY

Kaizar was back visiting from rainbow land to visit friends and family back here on the East Coast. He's a regular on this blog as long time readers and friends know. On Friday at noon, I waited in line with the rest of the trendy sheep at Muji--the new Japanese clothing/home furnishing store in Soho. First five hundred people received a free bag. Hook, line, sinker!

It took me nearly half an hour to move from the back of the line to the front.

And by front, I actually mean to the corner--the midway point to the store, which is next to the CB2 store.

After work, I met with Stan at the Ramen Setagaya, the first US branch of a popular Japanese ramen noodle chain. This ain't your cup of noodle MSG laden ramen. It's not a place to go to enjoy a leisurely paced meal. The line for this small East Village ramen bar is approximately 15 minutes long. The menu consists of basically, uh, ramen soup and predictable appetizers like dumplings. I can describe the food in two words: FUCKING DELICIOUS.

After bouncing around to a few places, Stan and I met up with a couple friends of mine at Latino Bar. One of the girls there at the table was done for the night.

And in case you aren't sure which girl is passing out, Stan helpfully points her out.

Me, and Chloe and her awesome Christmas sweater.

The shy birthday girl, Cristina.

Chloe and maybe the not-so-shy birthday girl. (Happy birthday Cristina!)

One person in this photo is for tips than the other two. Hint: It's not me or Chloe.

We then made the move to the old standby Botanica. This is the expression Stan usually makes while in the middle of a surgery at his hospital.

Forgot your name, sorry!

Haha, I look like I'm plotting Hussain's death.

But I'm not! I love Hussain!

Kaizar finally rolls in after his [censored]!

The aftermath of Hussain's diatribe towards [censored].

Stan rocking my hat better than anyone else.

This guy owes me because as a good samaritan I woke him up when the subway arrived. I thought it was midnight or ish when I got in the subway to go home, but it was closer to 4 am. A good night!

On Saturday night I went to an annual Thanksgiving dinner party thrown by Lauren's boyfriend.

Stan and his "Woop Woop" wine he picked out and brought.

Kaizar looking sophisticated.

Lauren and couple of her friends.

Ah, nice group photo.

HAHAHA. The most hilarious photo of the night in my humble opinion. Kaizar speaking with....a giant with a very giant-ish name, Otto.

I don't condone this behavior of throwing out perfectly good turkey!!!

Lauren's boyfriend is very insistent on this.

Kaizar taking one last bite. Look at that grease about to drop off.

Afterwards we headed to some party downtown. This guy woke up as I was about to take a photo of him sleeping. I think he was the birthday boy. Some dancing and stuff happened.

The next morning, er, afternoon I met up with Kaizar and Hussain for brunch at my favorite restaurant, White Privilege.

Hussain's insane job requires TWO motherfuckinblackberries.

Me and Hussain while we waited for everyone else to arrive.

We chilled around, and then had dinner at Hussain's apartment: awesome take out Indian food (Thanks corporate account!) and the famous chicken and rice from the guy on midtown.

That's it for now, kids.

END OF THE ALASKAN ROAD

Living in a city of wildly diverse individuals, where all the women are strong, the men are good looking, and the children are above average, I'm continually amazed at how thunderstruck my fellow New York denizens react upon learning of my Alaskan roots.  I would be able to nod knowingly to a Martian.  While I'm intensely proud of my home state heritage, the passing of each year pushes me further and further from Alaska, whether its losing my eligibility for my cut of the Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend (It was $1654 this year!) or not having enjoyed reindeer sausage in three years.  Or is it four now?  I don't know.  I don't remember. The only constant that proved and verified that I was still Alaskan all these years since I left was my driver's license (No, you jackasses--it's not to certify driving sled dogs or bears).  I discovered earlier this week to my utter sadness that it is scheduled to expire in January 2008.  I won't be going home this year for the holidays, which means I will be turning in my expiring Alaskan license for a boring, common New York State one.  I'm pretty disconsolate about it, but maybe as a consolation I can get Mrod or McLovin as my name on it.  But, I'm going to miss my lopsidedly laminated license that looked like a very bad fake ID.

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=XZcG0NBMcDA]

CONGRATULATIONS!

GOLF CLAPS TO CYRUS FOR PASSING THE NY BAR EXAM!  THAT IS STUNTASTIC!

BET ON THIS TOTALLY SUCKING

I can't tear my eyes or ears (still bleeding) from this: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfnCmv9eV1U]

A for effort?

PARIS HILTON MAKES BOY CRY

Paris Hilton was in South Korea recently for a Fila promotion (who wears that stuff nowadays anyhow??) and at a fan meet-and-greet event, her presence was so overwhelming for one young boy fan that he broke down into tears.

Damn, son.  MAN UP.  You should have brought a little XO and flipped that cell phone to video mode, and you could have lost your virginity at the age of 7.

RAUNCHIEST POETIC SPAM EVER (NSFW)

My friend for whatever reason--and in his defense he really doesn't use his work computer or Internet for too much personal stuff--receives TONS of junk email and spam on his work computer. He forwarded to me one particular spam that is honestly one of the funniest things I've ever read.  WARNING: It's pretty explicit and extremely not safe for work.

From: Leo H. Murray <Leo@web1.co.uk> To:

Sent: Thu Nov 08 18:37:42 2007 Subject: Beat her womb with your giant

experts and representatives of a management of the mineTottenham, while Chelsea played Andrei Shevchenko andhere: Menu Foods Recall List. Pet owners are urged to

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So try today this magic p'ill And change your life at your own will! <http://obresos.net/>

WHEN SHOULD THE U.S. CALL BACK N. KOREA

So out in the non-Disneyified pirate infested waters of Somalia recently a North Korean ship came under attack by said pirates, before a US Navy warship came to its aid, and then flew the injured Korean crewmates to Yemen for treatment. In response, the typically taciturn and downright grumpy North Korean government released a statement expressing gratitude to the US for the assistance.

How long before the US should respond? Two days? Two days is like industry standard. I used to wait two days, but now it's like everyone in this global community waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. I mean, two's not enough to look anxious, but I think three days is kind of money. Call too soon and we might scare off a beautiful country who's ready to party.

So how long should the US wait?

Six days.

MY IDENTITY REFLECTED METAPHORICALLY IN TAKE OUT FOOD!

Check out my lunch today: Based on the packaging you're probably thinking "Oh, Matt had Chinese food for lunch."

Hmmm, maybe not. Try Mexican instead.

As my friend Lauren so observantly pointed out, this is essentially my identity when you break it down!  Asian on the outside, and Mexican on the inside, yo!

ABRACAMCDONALDS! SHAZAM!

Magician on a Japanese TV show transforms a McDonalds menu into the real thing! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W1W84KhifQ]

CONVERSATION SNAPSHOT

"How was midget wrestling?" "It was cool, honestly.  Entertaining to say the least."

"You can't just say 'it was cool' and leave it at that when I ask you about midget wrestling!"

MROD YOGI

I can cross off item number 174 off my list of things-to-do-before-I-pass-to-the-other-side. I've been wanting to check out the hot girls yoga for awhile. I've never done it before, although it is one of the classes offered at my gym. Unfortunately the beginner yoga class or "Virgin Yoga" as they call it at Crunch is only offered on Sundays at the unholistic time of 10 am! I woke up and rushed out this morning, running late and hoping to catch the subways on time. In the platform, I ran into an old college friend, Chris whom I hadn't seen since graduation, who recently just moved to New York from his home state of Alabama. When he saw me, he remarked that I looked hungover. I felt a bit embarrassed to say that actually my disheveled appearance was a result of having just woken up and running tardy for my virgin yoga class. There was something emasculating about that.

It was a humbling experience, but I really enjoyed it! It's a terrific low-impact workout, nonetheless a few hours later, I'm still sore. I'm going to try to make it a regular thing, despite the time.

If you see me in Soho walking with my yoga mat, please do not mock. Don't knock it, until you've downward facing dog'd it.

Now onto item number 175...speed skating.

LAST NIGHT'S PARTY: HALLOWEEN

Halloween as everyone knows fell on a midweek, Wednesday, which meant that festivities began the preceding Friday through the weekend and then culminating in an costumed orgy on Wednesday night. While I like the concept of Halloween, I've always been resistant to this holiday, because of past bad experiences from childhood to present. There's nothing more ridiculous than two people in costume arguing. Anyway, I went to a couple parties over the previous weekend and then on Halloween itself, I went to a Neck Face opening at a Soho gallery, followed by Madame X. Lea with insanely fancy cat ears. Seriously fancy. They were made from leather and real cat hair I think.

Tony being...Tony, but more calm than the last time.

I apparently dressed up like a skeleton in a V neck and glasses. Memo to self: eat more! God damn.

Rally hipster cars!

Cat woman and guy with a posterboard...

Some of Neck Face art.

This totally cool couple brought their kid. She didn't seem faze by the graphic art at all. I think it's good to not shelter children, but I like my original caption for this photo: "This is what happens when you don't eat your broccoli, Virginia."

Neck Face art (and his corporate sponsor Apple?).

A sweet mechanical bat...thing.

We arrived at the gallery early and were among the first there (as well as the first to hit the open bar, heh). But it soon started filling with various hipsters in costumes.

This is a pretty straightforward costume that probably wouldn't win many fans in the bible belt regions, but it's a pageant winner with her aborted baby. For effort alone, both girls should receive a crown because they were attached all night to one another by an umbilical cord. This photo doesn't do it any justice, but that cord was absolutely disgusting and amazing in its bloody glory (you can see it hanging down pageant girl's dress). Pageant girl kept telling her "baby" to get back in the dumpster. Awful. AWFUL. Awfully amazing.

Name all the costumes that you see!

This cat (not Mr. Reflective) was aggressive of his Desi familiarity when interrogating Lea, after she asked him for a light.

This is by far one of my favorite costumes I saw the entire Halloween night.

Spice Girls (uh....British Spice and Leopard Spice?) getting it down at Madame X. I hadn't stepped foot into this Houston Street lounge in approximately 5 years. Very weird to think about how different things are now from when I was there then (for my friend Ramya's going away party as she was about to depart for London, where she still lives).

Beth, Chris, Me, Lea.

"This table is reserved"...so Chris can bite girls' asses.

Extreme lip puffage action.

These "ghosts" totally broke the illusion by taking off their masks!!! Don't break the third wall!

Nothing sexes up a situation like a finger to the nostril.

Spice Girl again!

Delicious spaghetti and meat sauce from this awesome hole-in-the-wall place Chris knew of on Sullivan and Houston. We ate on the church steps next door and watched the freakish costumes walk by.

I don't know why, but this Viking couple freaked me out.

Earlier in the night, Chris and I had a conversation about how celebrities must love Halloween because in costume, they can go out and blend in with the rest of the crowd and essentially be "normal" for a night. Well, maybe not. Here's Josh Hartnett's "costume."

AMAZING WILCO POSTER

Will some please buy me this poster?  Kthnksbi!

HALLOWEEN FRIGHT: LARRY KING!

My bed head can get out of control at times, but Larry King takes that to a whole new level!  His hair looks like a bastard child between Conan O'Brian and Don King.

Get your finger outta that ol' electrical outlet, Larry.  I know you're senile, but that's just not right for your health or ours, for that matter.  Put a hat or suspender on those follicles before some kids get hurt, Larry.  Thanks.

NEWS I FIND INTERESTING

1. Robin Prosser died on Oct. 18.  She committed suicide after a 20 year struggle with an autoimmune disease that left her constantly in pain, as well as allergic to most pharmaceutical painkillers.  Medical marijuana alleviated her suffering,  which was confiscated by the DEA--overriding state laws permitting medical-use marijuana--last spring.  The DEA walked away with approximately less than half an ounce from Prosser.  Unable to withstand the pain wrought by her condition, she committed suicide.  Federalism, hello?  On one issue, I share the same outrage with Andrew Sullivan (linked above). 2. There's no sex in the champagne room Airbus A380 with "the world's first airborne double bed."

3. Crazy mofo New Yorkers.

4. Turn your bitmap image into vector (thanks to the smarty pants at Stanford)!

5. Tiny woman defends her convenience store against a gun wielding robber by slamming around a fuckin ax!  I love it!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhZRf4GIw0w]

6. 10 questions that are illegal for an employer to ask you during an interview.  I answer yes to all of them.

7. Great shoe organizers.  Will someone buy me about 8 of these?  KTHANXBY

POLITICAL AND SEMANTIC DISCOURSE OF THE VAGINA OR VAJAYJAY

I certainly was not expecting to see an article in the Times on Sunday morning analyzing the recent surfacing of the neologism "vajayjay" that has emerged on TV shows such as that minor hit Grey's Anatomy, and from the mouths of influential people aka Oprah who can act as a social vehicle that illuminates, transports, and legitimate a subculture to the mainstream.  I call it "jj" for short.

CHEETAH POOPS THROUGH CAR'S OPEN SUNROOF

Yes, I have the humor sensibility of a seven year old. Check out this hilarious clip of a cheetah deciding to deuce through the open sunroof of this safari guy's car. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzvC93itdyY&v3]

OVERHEARD IN BROOKLYN

"Hey, I'm not sure if I dreamt this, because I had some pretty fucking weird dreams last night, but did someone fall off the roof last night at the party we were at?" "Yea, they did!"

"On to the fucking street?!?"

"No, he fell through skylight into their neighbor's apartment!"

"How did that party not get shut down?"

NEWS I FIND INTERESTING

1. The NY Times Joe Torre haiku contest: pen your paean to this much respected, now departed skipper in 5-7-5. 2. Paul Krugman came across an interesting, but wholly unsurprising statistic: In America today, there are more World of Warcraft players than farmers.

3. Commentary on airline branding. None of them are as cool as my home state's proud airline, except when they sell out for this monstrosity.

4. This blogger pretty much mirrors everything I think about the Cleveland Indians. Bad racism karma!!!

5. New York Magazine, you know, that investigative powerhouse, thinks they may have tracked down the real DB Cooper--ya know, that white dude who hijacked a plane, demanded cash, and then later jumped out with a couple parachutes.  It's a pretty engrossing article.  I'm such a sucker for these legends, which is why I suppose they are considered legends.

6. Anatomy of balloon dogs.

LOOK AT THIS F'N AWESOME DOG!

This is a poster that I think all proud dog owners would like to hang around their neighborhood, work, gym, and their favorite bars. And Famous Rays, as well. Because a dog this awesome should be famous.

(Via)