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There is a 75,000 square feet 'mini mall' in Alabama that achieved wide fame thanks primarily to a memetic commercial featuring the rapping owner Sammy Stephens. The commercial's catchy beat and lyrics combined with Sammy's sweet dance steps exceeds anything that Madison Ave could conceive. Just watch: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ3oHpup-pk]
And here's a brilliant mash up (Behold! The power of the Internet!):
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGPVF95HoDU]
A bit of pornographic music shocks the denizens of Mayberry on the Andy Griffith Show. [youtube=http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=r4yndU6NqUE]
I saw this poster in the window of an apartment in my neighborhood. Feel free to answer this question literally or its double entendre.
This week the mother of all street fairs is occurring in Little Italy. Everyone seems to be talking about here: the front door guard at my office building asked me if I had gone yet (we've said maybe 5 words to one another total in the past year). Whoever is handling this fair's PR is a freakin' genius because it's honestly no different than any other street fair that takes place on every other block all through out the summer. Mike Gavel, the former senator from Alaska and the enduring red lantern (1) among candidates hoping to represent Democrats in the upcoming presidential elections, recently remarked during an online forum:
"I am prepared to tell you that Americans are getting fatter and dumber. I have no problem saying that ... I've also said that the Americans are going to get the government they deserve."
Relatedly, I took the following snapshot at this street fair:
"Do they think I'm an idiots?!"
This obituary doesn't hold back! Damn.
Lord Michael Pratt, who has died aged 61, will be remembered as one of the last Wodehouseian figures to inhabit London's clubland and as a much travelled author who pined for the days of Empire; he will also be remembered as an unabashed snob and social interloper on a grand scale.
Pratt would arrive at country houses announcing that he was en route to another castle or (even larger) stately home, and was intending to stay for only one night. Quite often the "night" would turn into weeks, and sometimes months.
Although he was generous with his conversation, gossip and anecdote, many hostesses tired of Pratt's failure to make anything but the smallest contribution to the house or staff.
Michael John Henry Pratt was born on August 15 1946, the youngest son of the 5th Marquess Camden.
He was sent to Eton, having already acquired the rotund shape that would stay with him for the rest of his life.
These two guys from College Humor have been playing increasingly more and more vicious pranks on one another. The latest one is down right violent! And I love it.
After watching the most recent prank, I wrote the following memo to myself: If a friend pranks me by making my girlfriend of three years think I'm proposing to her via the Jumbotron at Yankee Stadium, resign myself to fate, get down on one knee and let her choose the date. Or get slapped in front of thousands of sulphurous Yankee fans. By choosing the former, at least I'll always have my dignity.
But then again do I really want to be with a girl who seriously thought I was proposing to her by texting to the Jumbotron? Or do girls really become that blinded at the prospect of being proposed to and toss all rationality and common sense out the window? If I go to a baseball game with a girlfriend of three years and she sees "Hey [insert girl name]. Marry me? - Mrod" on the Jumbotron, I would hope she knows me well enough to know that I would never do such a thing and assume it's a prank.
Now if she sees that same message at Madison Square Garden at a Knicks game, she better be prepared to say 'yes,' 'da,' or 'si.'
Wikipedia has a timeline of the most significant and consequential discoveries and inventions in our bipedal and opposable thumb history.
The apogee in human development of course, in my opinion occurred in the 10th millennium BC with the invention of alcoholic beverages in the Fertile Crescent. Low carb alcohol however was not invented until the 7th millennium.
I think one glaring omission from the list is the frisbee without which we would not have ultimate frisbee, the spork of sports.
...this ends up happening. Warning: Do not click on the link if you h8 clowns.
1. This photo set of a wild polar bear (okay, wild and polar bear might be redundant to say the least) frolicking with a tethered husky is so cute I just want to stick 'em in a microwave and set it to 'popcorn.' 2. Imagine the mainstream news media as the megaphone guy, that is a guy with a megaphone at a party of a sort: "Megaphone Guy might not have much to say, but he's got a megaphone and so he is heard, his utterances setting the agenda for the entire party, the party's collective intelligence (its crowd-like wisdom if you want to put it that way) determined by the intelligence of Megaphone Guy. Before long, it ruins the party because the other guests will stop being guests and become passive "reactors-to-the-Guy". Apt metaphor.
3. Beninsouthafrica found a cool video recording of a James Brown and Pavarotti duet. No, not "Endless Love" because that would have been really awkward.
4. At first it looks like the Gorilla is getting a bj, but it actually gets better! A lot better! See for yourself!
5. Hipster Olymics. I carried the torch from Union St to Atlantic Ave.
6. Did you know that famed playwright Arthur Miller had a child with Down Syndrome? Sometimes I forget that other than 80 lbs of ads for high luxury items the Vanity Fair has articles such as this.
The photo recap below is just a smorgasbord of my social life from the past few weeks and weekends.
I went to the Hudson for a hot little dance party. This old man was holding it down on the dance floor and looked geriatric'ly stylishly too. He's pretty much the model for how I want to look and do when I'm eighty-two years old.
Working out the Hustle. Moves are complicated!
Uh oh! I still got it! And then she walked away.
There's air guitar and then there's air DJing at the turntable.
The groom, the bride so classically air smacking what thieves and pirates are always tryin to take--the booty, and L Boogie.
Congrats to the new couple! I hope this photo is in their wedding album for their future kids to look and admire. "See kids, your mom and I weren't just the life of the party, we WERE the party. Now go clean your rooms."
I nominate this for the "Toothiest Smiles" photo award.
Anchor Bar on Thursday. Tze and Chris (trying his hardest to suppress a smile of joy). Nat showed up for this party as well. I mean, Natalie Portman. She prefers to be called Nat by her lovers, FYI.
Too cool for school Kenny and a ragin' Beth.
This pose might properly be categorized as fierce, but check back for a confirmation.
A rare moment where Tze is not surrounded by her legions of fans.
As this hammered girl was leaving the bar, we overheard her say "I want to go play beer pong!" Classy.
I'm predicting that someone is going to request that I remove this photo soon.
Haha
Did you kids know that if you are caught urinating in public in New York, you may face a fine of $50 to $2000?!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yP9EFTNGUCk] Walking to the subway from the bar with Chris...We decided to create a short movie.
After this jump of all jumps, Chris realized he lost his cell phone which most likely fell out his pocket in the pile of boxes located...7 blocks away. Yea, that wasn't fun.
To celebrate the successful recovery of his cell phone, he jumped again.
The next morning I received the following IM from Chris:
Chris: dude i have cuts on my face Chris: cuts on my face from box diving Chris: and that sounds so much cooler than what it actually is
I may be grouchy at times and unable to interpret your signs, but as Billy Joel once said you took the good times, you took the bad times, and you took me just the way I am. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YekA5eswvLw]
And here's a cover by Diana Krall that is just way too sincere:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-a_cCBzXRg]
Have a good Easy Listening Sunday, boys and girls.
After being inert, dormant, and essentially indifferent to my musical needs for roughly 6 months, my iPod, the last edition of the iPod Photo (eg. the ones with the first color screens) is finally fully repaired and operative again. Those Apple Store geniuses are actually good for something...like fixing their deliciously designed but early death prone devices.
My friend went out recently to a bar in the Upper East Side. "Past their prime jocks" were his words to describe the crowd. He ran into a girl he knew who introduced him to the lucky Mets fan who randomly happened to be at the San Francisco Giants baseball game and even more randomly, ended up catching Barry Bond's record breaking* historic home run ball. This guy is apparently from Queens (a borough of New York City for those of you reading this and not familiar with the area), and he actually says to my friend "I am Queens Boulevard." No, you are a Queens douchebag. Quoting from "Entourage" stopped being cool after the first season, I believe.
Beverly Clearly. Ayn Rand. Dr. Seuss. John Grisham. I used to read these authors' books voraciously as a child, and although its been years since I've read their books, the mention of their names always rekindles warm memories of my youth and the delightful tales that these writers spun and wove. So I was sadden by the news today that author Madeleine L'Engle--the brilliant mind behind "Wrinkle in Time" (Ah, yea. You know wat I'm talking about! Wrinkle in Time was the shit!) passed away today at the age of 88. She possessed quite an imagination. If you haven't read "Wrinkle in Time" then do so. It's a story that's accessible to adults and children alike.
I'm currently drinking a Michelob Ultra, yup Ultra (Counting them crows, and by crows I mean calories), in her honor, memory, and literary gangsterness. Whatever you're drinking right now, pour one out for L'Engle.
Update: Apparently I'm not the only one that considers her passing big news:
Designer Slash Model [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gazLpgp5qI]
What's the harshest way that someone can break up with another? Via text message? Sticky note? How about by writing a book about it and informing you by titling it "Getting rid of [insert your name here]?" Harsh, right? I know, mega harsh.
The only downer debbie about my immediate neighborhood is that there isn't a Duane Reade or Rite Aid nearby. I needed to get some more floss, but I didn't feel like walking 15 blocks to the nearest Duane Reade so I went to my local bodega instead. This is what I got: the most generic looking floss ever. No worries tho, I got it on lockdown: It's "Approved." It's "Waxed." And it's "Dental Floss." Or that's what I used to call her. Oh snap.
